i guess i'm too bitter to be naive

i really have no clue why it took my uncle's family so god damn long to get him into hospice. was it that they were too fucking naive about cancer and death? were they so fucking selfish that they had to have him at home? it never made any damn sense to me, but it was never my place to say anything. so my uncle went to hospice yesterday. they cleaned him up and 10 minutes later he was dead. i figured his goal was to make it to Christmas and since he achieved that, it shouldn't be too long... the service is on Wednesday. i'm not looking forward to it. my uncle died without ever knowing what one his daughters did to me. now, i put that on my mother since she chose to not tell anyone about it. so, there's an ocean of feelings for me going into this one. i respected my mother's wishes of not telling him myself, but now i get to spend a funeral where the cousin that molested me will be just a few feet away. the stages of grief, they are all fucked up for me. i went a quarter century not being around my uncle, always thinking that my mother and father had told him why. and then to think that we moved next door to him so he could live out his final days around his sister. i have no fucking clue if we are staying here or not now. i was thinking in the car today that there's probably only 5% of me that's left that doesn't want to die. i have no fucking clue how much longer i can live for that 5%. and i know damn well Wednesday is going to be a shit show where i'm supposed to have a brave face on and not embarrass anyone or make a scene. it's not easy for me to swallow everything that has happened to me and pretend it never fucking existed in the first place. it's even harder when you know the people that are supposed to love you simply don't give a shit. and to think all i ever really wanted was for someone to say i'm sorry. nearly 35 years later, i doubt sorry fucking cuts it now. and when i've exhausted the poems about it, where the fuck do i go from there? so yeah, the funeral will be on Wednesday. i'll be highly medicated.
http://www.gilbert-fellers.com/notices/Donald-Holland

i thought The Golden Globes was pretty good last night. being a very liberal person, i enjoyed all the shots at the incoming king. i would say president, but i know better. i was really happy for Donald Glover. i thought Atlanta was a really amazing show. the two awards last night proved it.

The Affair was a bit of a holy fuck episode last night.

the football games went how i expected them to last night. next week's games should be better.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Vice News Tonight. i'll be watching Monday Night Raw for most of the evening.

sure, i know Alabama is playing Clemson tonight for the national championship. if Ohio State was playing, i'd be watching. i suppose the football game will be on during commercials.

i did write 7 poems today, shocker. i certainly wasn't in the mood to type them up. maybe i'll do that later tonight.

i got the artwork i ordered from Etsy today. it's fucking awesome. here's a link to the shop:
https://www.etsy.com/shop/JamesLinckeCreations

i went to the grocery store this afternoon, mostly just to get out of the damn house. for most of the time i was in the store, i was sort of like a zombie. but then i happened to turn up an aisle and be behind this beautiful black woman wearing tight sweatpants. something about watching as ass shake that snaps you right out of being a zombie. yes, the poem is already written.

i will probably be on here tomorrow after Manchester United plays. and i will probably have some more poems written and all of them typed up (hopefully).

my mom is depressed, which i completely understand. as i wrote today, sometimes when we grow old we enter a perpetual state of grief. i'm only 40, so i don't know if there's any fucking way out of it yet.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Fitz & The Tantrums - Songs for a Breakup: Volume 1 EP
St. Paul & The Broken Bones - Burning Rome
Red Wanting Blue - My Name Is Death (Live)
Tinsley Ellis - Kiss of Death

"I've never been an optimist." - Joan Baez

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

new year, same luck

so my 2017 started off with my order from Etsy getting cancelled because the item i tried to purchase was mistakenly listed as available. my credit card will be refunded. joy. so i spent the next 2 hours trying to find something like what i ordered the first time. i found something and it was half the price i was paying before. not bad. of course, the order still has to actually happen and be shipped before i'll get too giddy.

i did do a little writing last night. 3 poems full of loneliness and despair. hello 2017. i typed them up this morning and will probably send them out sometime next week.

i didn't sleep well at all last night. i think i went to bed around 3 and was back up around 5. i tried going back to sleep but that didn't work. hello insomnia, my name is...

Austin City Limits was great last night.

ROH had some never before seen on television matches last night. excellent.

team USA beat Canada 3-1 yesterday to win the group at the World Juniors. it was the first time the USA had defeated Canada on New Year's Eve since 1998. the USA will now play Switzerland tomorrow.

the New York Rangers won at Colorado last night 6-2. The King returned to the net and became the winningest European born goalie in NHL history. that was a nice, successful road trip. the boys next play Buffalo at home on Tuesday.

and then there's the Ohio State game from last night. honestly, Clemson won every aspect of the game... offense, defense, special teams, coaching, etc. i think the only thing Ohio State won last night was the battle of the bands. a 31-0 loss that didn't feel that close. the only good thing is the game left such a bad taste in the players mouths that most of them that could leave early aren't. so maybe this debacle won't happen again next year.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Wishful Drinking and The Affair.

the New Orleans Saints finish their what could have been again season today at Atlanta. i figure the game will be a shootout. if the Saints win they could finish 8-8 and that's exactly why i figure they will lose.

my uncle is in the hospital again with pneumonia. it's never the cancer that kills you, it's always the other shit that does the trick.

that's all for me today kids. i'll be on here tomorrow after Manchester United plays. hopefully i'll be in a good mood.

happy new year to everyone. may your 2017 include everything and more.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Prince - Let's Go Crazy
The Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight
The New Basement Tapes - When I Get My Hands On You

"I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy." - J.D. Salinger

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

one of those nights that...

goes so damn well that time actually flies by. just one crazy ass moment after another that made the night one i probably won't forget for a few weeks at least.

the gold medal match between Germany and Brazil did not disappoint yesterday. i thought for sure Germany would win once it went to penalty kicks, but amazingly, that didn't happen. one huge save and then the biggest goal of Neymar's life. you could tell that finally, the weight of a nation had been lifted from him.

next up was NXT Takeover Brooklyn II. every match had something that was great. i loved that they set up Austin Aries to go against Hideo Itami. dream match coming up there. i can't wait for the world to see what all Ember Moon can do. if that was Bayley's goodbye, i would love to see her show up either tonight or on Monday Night Raw. Bobby Roode's entrance music is beyond fucking GLORIOUS. the tag team match was spectacular. i would have loved to seen Gargano and Ciampa win, but oh well. it was still a great match. and the main event between Nakamura and Samoa Joe was fucking amazing. Nakamura's entrance was spectacular. i might have to get that song on iTunes one of these days. to see the video of the fans singing it after the match as they were leaving the building was amazing. the match itself was stiff, brutal (in a good way) and brilliant. a few false finishes, a few last second kick outs and then one of the most brutal knees to the face i have seen in years. new champion. it's amazing to think that Shinsuke Nakamura is now the NXT champion.

after that i started to watch the New York Yankees game while following UFC 202 on the computer. the Yankees got some great pitching once again and more offense from the kids, Sanchez and Judge, to win 5-1. they go for the sweep of the Angels later today.

once i started to see the pictures from the main event of UFC 202, i knew exactly what the people on the internet were describing. the absolute war between McGregor and Diaz last night. i loved the CM Punk tweet that said they will be best friends after this. 5 rounds of beating the shit out of each other. McGregor won the fight on a majority decision, so of course there will have to be a third fight. overall, from what people were saying, this was the best UFC card in a long time.

ROH last night was really good. nothing like a good 60 minutes of chaos.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be The Voice, Big Brother, Power, The Night Of, Ballers, Vice Principals, Last Week Tonight, Ray Donovan and Roadies.

i will be watching WWE SummerSlam for most of the evening. 13 matches, which is a ridiculous number. i believe the pre-show starts at 5. the end of the show probably won't be until around 11. so, i'm hoping for a great show or at least something that doesn't make me realize that i've been sitting for 6 hours watching pro wrestling.

today is my uncle's 81st birthday. after the cancer diagnosis, i don't think any of us thought he'd make it to this birthday. so, hopefully he has a great one. my sister is down for it, so i'll probably get to chat with her for a bit. we'll probably have to go over mom's health.

mom still has it in her head that she needs to suck it up and go to Columbus. i more or less went off on her after that comment. she's been a damn slave to her job all her life and where the fuck has it got her? she's seen thousands of people lie, cheat and steal and get ahead of her in life, why the fuck is she paying into a system and not taking advantage of it? it amazes me that nice people never realize the cliche is true, they do finish last.

i do plan on watching the gold medal game in basketball between the USA and Serbia today. that should get over in time for me to start watching wrestling. so, there's the rest of my day basically.

i hope everyone had a great Saturday. hopefully your Sunday will be even better.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

The Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight
The Afghan Whigs - When We Two Parted
The Tragically Hip - Grace, Too

"I like to call everyone that I find slightly annoying a sociopath." - Bo Burnham

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

happy birthday to the one that brought me into this hell...

i kind of felt bad for my mother today. she's not a big birthday person, but given that her brother was going into surgery today, she was sort of dreading any bad news. i gave her a card and her gifts this morning. she really liked the shirts i got her. i was thankful for that, since i spent close to $100 on them... so she got a call that when my uncle went into surgery the surgeon didn't do the surgery after they opened him up as he believed there was no way my uncle could make it through it alive. apparently his insides are so fucked the only way they could do a colon surgery is through the ass. enjoy that visual. so now my mother is next door, i guess getting ready to break the news to her sister in law. just how she wanted to spend her birthday... my sister is coming down tonight, so the craziness will only get worse.

Copa America Update:
tonight is a huge game for the USA. a win against Ecuador and they will be moving on to the semifinals of the tournament. hopefully the crowd is great tonight in Seattle. and hopefully the players feed off of them.

Euro 2016 Update:
France left it late again yesterday against Albania. but, they came through once again, winning 2-0. they became the first team to advance in the tournament. i got up early today to watch England vs. Wales. when Wales took the lead, i wasn't shocked. when England came back to win 2-1, i was shocked. i guess the youth doesn't have the weight of past failures on them. and they won really late. Northern Ireland had a huge win today over Ukraine 2-0. the last game of the day is Germany vs. Poland.

the New York Yankees lost yesterday 6-3. they are now back in last place in the division. they start a series in Minnesota tonight. i couldn't give a shit.

NXT was really good last night. i am so fucking excited to see Finn Balor take on Nakamura. they had amazing matches in Japan. i can only imagine how great it will be now.

Lucha Underground was spectacular last night. 1 match, 6 wrestlers, elimination style, winner gets the main event at Ultima Lucha 2. i was so happy to see Pentagon Jr. win. that should be one hell of a match between him and the Monster Matanza.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be WWE Smackdown and Lip Sync Battle.

i'll probably watch some of Game 6 of the NBA Finals tonight. i'd love to see Cleveland force a Game 7.

i wrote 5 poems last night and this morning. i typed them up and i really like a few of them.

i did listen to Sam Roberts Wrestling Podcast last night. it was excellent as always.

yes, that is Freddie Prinze Jr. you can find the podcast by going here:
http://notsam.com/wrestlingpodcast/2016/6/15/wrestling-podcast-86-freddie-prinze-jr

it's been one of those days that a pop up shower never feels that far away. and i feel like i've been in front of this computer way too long.

that's all for me kids.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

The Chemical Brothers - One Too Many Mornings
The Firm - Satisfaction Guaranteed
The Band - When I Paint My Masterpiece

"While living I want to live well." - Geronimo

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

the toilet of my life

today was one of those days when you look in the toilet and say wow, what the fuck did i eat? it's felt like my entire intestines were coming out at times today. i suppose i should be concerned, but that would imply i actually want to live for a long time. no blood, no foul. though i will be taking a nice long shower once i get done writing this.

as i watched Monday Night Raw last night, i could actually tell that the show would be so much better if it was back to being only 2 hours long. the first match of the night was great. the main event was good, almost great. imagine if you took out all the stupid filler and just had wrestling. that could easily fill 100 minutes. 20 minutes of commercials and there you go. even the crowd last night was dead by the end. and that shouldn't happen in any match that involves AJ Styles.

The Voice was good last night, although only a few of the performances really blew me away. i think i know who is going home tonight (Daniel, team Pharrell) but i've been wrong before.

Gotham was spectacular last night. only 3 more episodes left in the season i believe. i smell a cliffhanger coming.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be The Voice and Deadliest Catch.

the New York Yankees start a series in Baltimore tonight. i figure this long ass losing streak has to stop some time. hopefully tonight.

i got some great FREE music at NoiseTrade today. i'll put the links in the music section.

my uncle is back in the hospital. no one bothered to tell him with a fucked up colon, he shouldn't really try eating big meals. so, of course, he started feeling better and started to eat again. sure enough, his body couldn't process the food good enough. colon backs up, vomit and diarrhea... good times. at least they got him to the hospital instead of waiting like they have before.

well, the trash is ready to go out and i certainly need a shower, so that's all for me kids.

take it easy and then take it again.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Matthew Mayfield - The Live EP
Rod Melancon - LA 14

"The wise man does at once what the fool does finally." - Niccolo Machiavelli

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

time is running short

the weather is back to being crazy again. we just had some hail and we're supposed to have snow by the weekend. i guess Spring isn't coming this year.

for National Poetry Month, i give you:

i sent out 5 poems today to Dave Roskos. hopefully he can find a place for them in one of his zines. when i get the verdict back i will pass it along.

the New York Yankees found their offense last night and won their first game of the season 16-6. they can win the series with Houston with a win this afternoon. hopefully they didn't use up all the runs last night.

NXT was sort of a clip show from their excellent Takeover:Dallas event.

Lucha Underground was great last night. from the start of the Trios tournament to the main event, it was awesome.

enjoy some music kids:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be The Big Bang Theory, WWE Smackdown and Lip Sync Battle.

the New York Rangers play the fucking New York Islanders tonight at home in a game that both teams want to lose. a loss could set up an easier path in the Eastern Conference playoffs. so i'm not expecting much or any inspiring hockey tonight.

i guess my uncle is having a hard time dealing with the end being near. i guess he did the exact same thing the rest of the family did. these dumb fucks think the word remission means the cancer is gone, so life can go back to normal. it looks like he's going to go back into the hospital today. good times.

that's all for me today. i have a television and some over paid baseball players to go yell at.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail. love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

The Ragged Jubilee - Can't Stop Loving You
Wussy - Beautiful
Bob Dylan - The Man In Me

"The flower that smells the sweetest is shy and lowly." - William Wordsworth

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

you ever hear a certain song on the radio...

so last night was a little weird. we got a phone call from next door saying that my uncle is now in remission. how the fuck can someone go from one day having cancer spread to the liver to being in remission in 24 hours? now, the one good thing about all of this, the doctor that told him he was in remission is the same doctor that was my stepfather's cancer doctor. so his word carries a little more weight than these other assholes in my book. so, i'm happy for my uncle, but i really hope no one thinks remission actually means cancer free.

it has been snowing here all day long. amazingly, i think we might have a 1/4 inch of accumulation. hopefully it stays that way.

NXT was really good last night. i am thrilled to see Austin Aries in NXT. too many people have no clue how fucking great he actually is. and the main event between Finn Balor and Neville was off the charts great.

Lucha Underground was amazing, as usual. the ladder match was about as violent as i have seen a ladder match be in years. plus, the awesome storytelling that comes with every episode was top notch once again.

enjoy some music kids:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Life in Pieces, WWE Smackdown and Baskets.

the New York Rangers play at Pittsburgh tonight. i did see that Rick Nash skated a little today in practice. he's about 2 weeks away from returning. hopefully the boys can continue to play well in his absence. tonight will be a strong test for them. hopefully i'll be enjoying a victory beer later tonight.

i've been swimming in nostalgia today in music. i happened to hear a song from The Replacements yesterday when i was driving and it has been stuck in my head ever since. one thing leads to another and i'm digging through all my music to find some songs from the 90's. you'll see it all in the music section below.

i took a long hot shower this afternoon, hoping that would help my arthritis some. i believe any relief i got is starting to wear off right now. good times.

i have no clue when i'll be on here tomorrow. i think mom has a physical therapy appointment in the afternoon. so, i'll probably be on here in the early evening or so.

i hope this finds everyone figuring out what words of praise you want to say for the three poems i got published today.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Mary J. Blige & Method Man - You're All I Need
The Replacements - Alex Chilton
John Lee Hooker - I'm Bad Like Jesse James (Live)
Maria McKee - If Love Is a Red Dress (Hang Me in Rags)

"My life is full of mistakes. They're like pebbles that make a good road." - Beatrice Wood

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

one of these weirdos that wears shorts in the winter

i'm sure my neighbors love that i go out to get the trash cans or the paper or the mail in a hoodie and shorts. doesn't matter what the weather is like. unless it's snowing or really fucking cold, i'm one of these weirdos that wears shorts in the winter. it's finally starting to feel like winter here. of course, we've had so much damn rain, it figures it would start to freeze now.

team USA destroyed Switzerland today in the World Juniors hockey tournament over in Finland. the boys dominated from the start, winning 10-1. the only Rangers prospect on the team was in goal for the last 30+ minutes of the game. he stopped all 10 shots he faced. they will play Denmark tomorrow morning. if they can win that in regulation, they will finish in second place in the group.

i didn't watch much on television last night. i was over at my uncle's shooting the shit for almost 90 minutes i think. it's rather obvious that his wife wants nothing to do with helping him with his cancer. it's kind of sad to know they have been married for over 60 years and this is how it gets at the end. i wonder why i'm still single?

tonight is a big sports night, but before that, enjoy some music kids:

and now some of this and that:

the Dayton Flyers take on Arkansas tonight at home. this is the last non-conference game of the season. coach Archie Miller will be going for his 100th win at the school. and the game is on national television (CBS Sports Network). needless to say, i will be pumped for this one as i will be in attendance.

the New York Rangers take on Tampa tonight. i really hope they play better than they did in Nashville. they are going to have to if they want to win.

i will probably catch the highlights from the hockey game when i get home from the basketball game. i suppose mom and i will go out to eat after the game as well. most likely another trip to Waffle House.

i will be on here tomorrow after the USA game with Denmark and before the HUGE college football games start. it will seem a little weird to be watching football that really means something on New Year's Eve.

that's all for me today kids. i hope everyone is well and looking forward to getting out of 2015.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Charlie Mars - Hell Yeah
Suicidal Tendencies - You Can't Bring Me Down
Digital Underground - The Humpty Dance

"Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind." - Rudyard Kipling

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

goodbye to the ace of spades

i was scrolling around the internet last night and came across the news. it's not that i was shocked that Lemmy had died. god knows he has looked like death for the last 20 years. it's that i just never thought the fucker would go. one of the nicest humans ever and truly an inspiration to me the day i picked up a bass guitar. i remember the first time as a child i heard Ace of Spades. that was a song that never left my brain. born to lose live to win. thanks for giving all of us outsiders a place at the table.

i picked the NFL game right last night. i did end up getting 5th place in my NFL.com league. and it became official today, i did win both of my CBS Sports fantasy football leagues.

Monday Night Raw was ok last night, at best. i did enjoy The New Day, Kevin Owens beating the shit out of Neville and Dean Ambrose, but too much of the show was just pointless.

Breaking Ground on WWE Network was really good last night. it's amazing how just about everything with NXT is great and everything else could be so much better.

the New York Rangers played a decent 40 minutes last night. for some reason, in the third period they decided to shit the bed. a 1-1 game was suddenly 5-1 in a matter of minutes. i turned it off there as i have seen them lose too much already this season. the final score was 5-3, but the game with Nashville was never that close. they next play at Tampa on Wednesday. thank god i'll be at a basketball game.

here's some this and that for you:

not sure what i'm going to be watching on television tonight. i know i got a good nap in this afternoon watching some soccer. so i'll probably be up late.

that's all for me today. i need to get the trash picked up here and next door (my uncle is home by the way) and figure out what's for dinner.

i hope everyone is enjoying something. whatever that is is your business.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Motorhead - Ace of Spades
Black Sabbath - Heaven and Hell
The Doors - The End

"People don't become better when they're dead; you just talk about them as if they are. But it's not true! People are still assholes, they're just dead assholes!"
- Lemmy Kilmister (Dec. 24, 1945 - Dec. 28, 2015)

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

and just when i thought this day was going to be nothing but rain

i got up this morning and it was pouring outside. raining cats and dogs as they say. for a second, i thought it was going to get biblical. it's been like that nearly all day. it will pour for 45 minutes or so and then quit. and then start back up 20 minutes later and rain for 90 minutes. we have to be around a couple of inches so far. i've got done a decent job of keeping my adrenaline up for most of the day so i don't even think about how much pain i should be in. but if this shit keeps up, agony will hunt me down this evening.

i was up in time to watch team USA take on Sweden this morning in the World Juniors hockey tournament over in Finland. the boys had all the fucking chances in the world, but when you go 0 for 8 on the power play and can't get any of your 46 shots past the goalie, you're not going to win. the USA lost 1-0. they next play on Wednesday against Switzerland.

that was over in time for me to get my mind ready for Manchester United vs. Chelsea. United hit the post twice in the first half. they missed two glorious chances in the second half. they clearly played better today, but that's 8 fucking games in a row without a win. something has to change.

and just when i thought my day was going to be shit, the New York Yankees came to my rescue. i can't believe they traded for Aroldis Chapman from the Reds. that will give the Yankees one of the nastiest bullpens to ever grace the planet earth. and the best thing is they gave up next to nothing to get him. they kept all their top prospects. thank you for the belated Christmas gift Brian Cashman.

enjoy some music kids:

and now some of this and that:

i got pretty much what i wanted out of the New Orleans Saints game yesterday. the Saints won 38-27. Blake Bortles threw 4 touchdowns, which helped me greatly in fantasy football. plus, i do believe it might end up being the last time Drew Brees plays as a Saint at home. so it was nice to see him go out and play like the old Drew Brees.

speaking of fantasy football, while nothing is official yet, i'm pretty damn sure i won both of my championship matches. that will end up being my 7th and 8th championships for fantasy football. i have a 27 point lead in my 5th place game going into tonight in my NFL.com league. my opponent has Denver's quarterback tonight.

the New York Rangers play tonight in Nashville. they are hopefully well rested and ready to go tonight.

i'm interested to see what happens on Monday Night Raw tonight as John Cena makes his return to the show. hopefully he gets his ass kicked again.

as you might imagine, my remote control will be getting a workout tonight flipping between hockey, wrestling and football.

i guess my uncle is back home now. they had to rush him to the hospital yesterday as he was not keeping anything down. they sent back to the nursing home last night once they got all that calmed down. it's all due to him not drinking enough fluids and since he doesn't do that, the side effects to the chemo is even greater. i think the nursing home released him just so they wouldn't have to deal with the family anymore. that being said, i won't be shocked if the phone rings sometime before 6 in the morning in the next few days with some bad news from next door.

i think i'm going to try to stretch out some and ice my back down. this rain just murders me anymore.

i hope everyone had a great weekend. hard to believe that 2015 is almost done.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Filter - Hey Man, Nice Shot
Dynamite Hack - Boyz-n-The Hood
Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band - Last Goodbye

"I always sympathized with the people who did work for hire; I was one of them." - Stan Lee

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

step into the darkness and suddenly feel at home

i fell into my usual Christmas trap yesterday. while my mother and sister were next door, i was here by myself pondering all my failures and my loneliness on a day where no one is supposed to feel lonely. i did use that depression to get some shit done though. i finished reading a book of poetry that was great and watched a few things on the DVR. i watched that U2 concert from Paris they did a few weeks back. the recording cut off before it was over. so i did something i should have done a long time ago. i got a HBO GO account. i was able to watch what i missed in about 3 minutes after signing up. not sure how much i will use it, but that certainly came in handy.

i do have some poems swimming up in my head. whenever they fucking decide to come out of the water and make it onto the page, i'm more than ready.

i avoided most of the NBA games yesterday. i did get a good laugh though at LeBron catching the woman in the crowd calling him a crybaby. it's always funny when you see a white person get caught doing some stupid shit by a large black male.
http://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2015/12/25/10665974/lebron-james-cavs-warriors-fan-crybaby-caught-christmas

so i got up this morning after more or less forcing myself to sleep on my right hip. i can't sleep comfortably on my left side for some fucking reason. so the 5 hours i got was more or less just block out the pain and sleep. Manchester United was playing at Stoke this morning. i knew it was going to be a tough game but LVG said it was a MUST win game. i figured he said that because he knows he's on the chopping block. so i was expecting United to come inspired and i was completely fucking wrong. they had the wind at their backs and couldn't do shit with it. 20 or so minutes in and they were down 2-0. they decided to put Rooney on at halftime and that might have worked in a different year. United more or less had one chance and of course, didn't do shit with it. this is the first time Manchester United has lost 4 games in a row in all competitions since 1961. a new manager can't get here soon enough.

enjoy some music kids:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be ROH.

the World Juniors Hockey Tournament started today over in Finland. team USA takes on Canada later today. that should be interesting. hopefully the boys can come away with a medal this year.

i got some pretty cool t-shirts from my sister yesterday and some Batman and Star Wars stuff from my mother. both of them really enjoyed what i got them, so that made me happy.

i added a contact form to the right hand side of the blog yesterday. so if you'd rather email me than leave a comment, feel free.

my uncle might be getting out of the nursing home soon. he's hoping for Monday. from what i've heard, he's getting stronger but he's still not doing everything he should be doing. as you might notice, i come from a long line of stubborn fucks.

i will hopefully get to take a shower today and maybe watch some football as well. i have no clue if my mother and sister have something planned to do today or not. i think they know by now i really don't get up for family events.

i hope everyone had a great Christmas.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

The Black Crowes - Seeing Things (Live)
Lucinda Williams - Change the Locks (Live)
Trent Reznor - Hurt (Live)
My Morning Jacket - I Love You All the Time (Live)

"Sin, guilt, neurosis; they are one and the same, the fruit of the tree of knowledge." - Henry Miller

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

sleep, you foreign beauty, where have you been all my life

i think i have slept more in the last 2 days than i have in the last month. amazingly, my back doesn't hurt nearly as bad as it did before. i was actually able to lay down in my bed flat on my back and do some stretching this morning. so, it looks like i will be going to the basketball game tonight.

Monday Night Raw last night was The Slammy Awards. to say that the show was mostly a waste of time would be an understatement. the only thing i liked was probably Kevin Owens getting pissed off when he didn't win Breakout Star of the year. i would say thankfully, there was something else on to watch, but the New Orleans Saints didn't help me much in that effort.

the Saints had a pathetic first half, including scoring three touchdowns in the same drive only to have them called back by penalties or replay. they fought back in the second half but anytime this season the team has had to rely on the defense, every single fan knew what was coming next. failure. the defense needed a huge stop and didn't get it. so the Saints only had a few seconds left and sure enough, since Drew Brees was trying to play through the pain in his right foot, he couldn't throw more than 20 yards or so. hard to score a touchdown when you have to go 80 in under 20 seconds. hello frustration, it's me again. Saints lose 35-27.

i did win both of my fantasy football matches from over the weekend. so this coming week i'll be playing for fifth place in one league and two championships in the other two leagues. i'm pretty sure i'm going to be the underdog in all 3.

enjoy some music kids:

and now some of this and that:

tonight on the DVR will be WWE Smackdown as i believe there might be some actual wrestling on the show.

i will be at the Dayton Flyers vs. Miami Redhawks tonight. both my mother and sister graduated from Miami, so this game always means a little more in this family. tonight marks the return of Dyshawn Pierre from his suspension. i have no clue if he plays tonight or not, but he will be a welcome sight.

also tonight the New York Rangers will try to not give all of us fans a shitty Christmas by winning a game against Anaheim. the Ducks stink at the moment too, so i'm sort of happy i will be at the basketball game for most of this game.

hopefully i will be enjoying a few victory beers tonight.

i think my sister is coming down tomorrow. i thankfully was able to get most of the gifts wrapped last night. i even managed to wrap some of them in the comics instead of the obituary pages.

not sure what's going on with my uncle. i have a feeling with his blood pressure going down, that the end may be near. i figure given the way this family has gone over the years, i would not rule out a Christmas death. i think he's trying so hard to make it to that day that he's only hurting himself. as i told my mother this morning, maybe one of his daughters or his wife should have some fucking compassion and let him know it's okay to move on. but, given what i know about all of them, that won't happen. the last few months have been about themselves more than anything.

and on that lovely note, i hope everyone has a wonderful day.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Beastie Boys - Professor Booty
Butthole Surfers - Pepper
AC/DC - Play Ball

"Man thrives where angels would die of ecstasy and where pigs would die of disgust." - Kenneth Rexroth

and your whatever the fuck i want you to see video of the day:

happy fucking holidays

i was trying to get some sleep last night when a poem popped in my head. i wrote it out and thought, ok, now i can sleep. 10 minutes later i had another poem in my head. and this one was one of my rare long ones. it was loosely based on an experience i had in a bar when i was 23 years old. of course, i made the poem much better than the experience was. i typed both of those poems up this morning and really liked them. not sure what i'm going to do with them. i figure i will figure that out in 2016.

the last 12 hours or so have been absolute shit for two sports teams i live and die with. the New York Rangers got back Derek Stepan last night but they once again played like shit, losing to Winnipeg 5-2. they next play on Sunday at home against Washington, who is now 6 points ahead of them.

this morning, Manchester United lost to a team battling relegation, 2-1. totally fucking unacceptable. how the fuck LVG keeps his job is beyond me now. he looks completely disinterested while watching the game and the players reflect that. it's obvious a few of them care, but not nearly enough to make it matter. this is one of those days i'm happy i live over here. if i was over there in Manchester, i might be tempted to do something rather evil to help the squad. from afar, all i can do is bitch and moan and hope something good happens next. they play Chelsea the day after Christmas. oh joy.

thankfully, The Knick last night was excellent. i have no clue if that was the series finale or not, but it certainly felt like it. plenty of twists and turns and story lines wrapping up. plus, the last 10 minutes or so were amazing. if it was the last show of the series, what an excellent series it was.

not sure how my uncle is doing. he's clearly not drinking as much water or fluids as he should be. the excuse is he doesn't want to to go to the bathroom and have another accident. this reminds of what i have learned over the years; pride will kill you before cancer will. i've told my mother i could go over and spell it out clearly for him and just ask him if he wants to die or not. i'm having a hard time understanding why no one gets the urgency of the matter. but, if he dies before Christmas and this family suddenly hates the holiday forever, i suppose... i'll just keep that thought to myself.

enjoy some music kids:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Saturday Night Live, Austin City Limits and ROH.

the Dayton Flyers play tonight at home against Furman. i'm expecting a huge bounce back game from them after stewing for a week after the last loss at home. hopefully i am correct.

i figure we'll probably listen to the New York Jets game on the way home from the basketball game. i know mom would love for the Jets to win tonight. they play the Cowboys.

i suppose i should go eat some lunch and get the rest of the anger out of me. i never try to go into a public situation angry as hell. if those two ever collide, someone will be getting a call for bail money.

i hope everyone has a great Saturday. mine can only go up from here thankfully. of course, a Dayton loss tonight and this blog will be a hate filled shit fest tomorrow that mind end it all.

good times.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Pantera - I'm Broken
Slayer - Seasons in the Abyss
Metallica - Bleeding Me

"First, accept sadness. Realize that without losing, winning isn't so great." - Alyssa Milano

and your whatever the fuck i want you to see video of the day:

leave it to arthritis to ruin the holidays

i was feeling pretty good this afternoon. i just got done watching some wrestling and then it started raining. it's almost like it's a trigger now... my back started to tighten up, my hands started to ache... the whole damn body just wanted to go into a cocoon. it's a damn good thing my mantra is find the pleasure in the pain. i don't suggest that masturbating while in pain is for everyone, but it does have a way of turning the screw so to speak. enjoy the visual.

NXT Takeover: London this afternoon was awesome. i really enjoyed most of the show. i thought the tag team match and the main event were the best ones. plus, anytime you can see Finn Balor come out looking like Jack the Ripper, you know it's going to memorable. it was certainly an excellent way to spend my afternoon.

i guess my uncle is going to be moved to the nursing home right down the street from us. i think the family is having a hard time understanding that he isn't going to be around forever. i don't know if i have ever come across so many people that just are unwilling to accept death as what it is. that there is some cure or hope or whatever the fuck that is going to keep him around forever. quite honestly, it's fucking baffling.

the New York Rangers did just enough to get a win last night. i thought the kids (McIlrath and Skjei) played pretty good. i'd love to see the team keep them both around for the rest of the season. this team needs some youth. a much needed 4-2 win over Edmonton. they go back out on the road next, i believe to Minnesota.

i was happy that Jordan won The Voice last night. he truly has a wonderful voice. plus, to dominate like he has on iTunes all season, he truly deserved to win. that being said, i have no doubt that Emily Ann Roberts will have a much better career in music.

enjoy some music kids:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be American Horror Story.

i will be watching Abby Wambach's final game tonight. as a lover of the sport, it can't be understated what she has meant to Women's soccer in this country.

other than that, i will probably be helping my mother with some more Christmas shit.

hopefully i get to bed at a decent hour tonight. i've been finding myself up at 3 in the morning for the last few nights. that's not fun when you wake up usually before 7 in the morning. i guess i will sleep well when i'm dead.

i hope everyone had a great day. if you didn't, go tell someone else about it.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Joe Ely - The Road Goes On Forever (Live)
Tom Waits - Make It Rain (Live)
Dave Mathews Band w/Warren Haynes - Cortez the Killer (Live)

"I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out." - Bill Hicks

and your whatever the fuck i want you to see video of the day: