Monday, July 27, 2015

and people wonder why i despise most of humanity

let me share some quick poetry news before i rip my father's family a new asshole. i sent out 8 poems today, 3 to Dead Snakes and 5 to Misfit Magazine. these will be my last submissions for the month. when i hear back from these places i will pass on the verdict.

now, sit back and strap in. my sister called here last night asking if i was going to my aunt's in August when one of the sisters was going to be in town. i had no fucking clue what she was talking about. my sister, who thought for sure i would get a call or at least an email, correctly believes that these invitations are simply being done for show. i laughed, as i can imagine what it would be like to try to come to grips with 20 years or more of regret. so, we both decided we aren't going as we both have things already planned. what completely pisses me off is my email, my phone number, my address aren't that fucking hard to find. so, by keeping me in the dark, they more or less are still carrying out my father's lies. my mother brought up an interesting thought this morning when she wondered if they don't contact me out of fear. that they may believe my anger rivals that of my father. that is one aspect of my life that scares me the most. i do have my father's temper. now, i have more control of it than he did, mostly because i simply have never had the money he had to piss away at any given time. now, if i had this anger and made over $80,000 a year like he did when i was a child, who the fuck knows if i would even be alive. but the fact that they never think to email me first or call me first, it's always just call my sister and let her deal with me. like in 2015 i don't have voice mail. like i don't return calls or emails. the one thing that over 20 years of silence truly did... it's not that fucking hard to forget that ANY of them ever existed in the first place. and it is becoming more clear with each passing day, that must be how they want it. my father never taught me to be the better man. he never thought of that as one of his duties. all he needed to do was provide a roof and food. after that was done, so were his fatherly duties. and people wonder why i don't want to have kids. i suppose i might get an email after this little rant, but it wouldn't surprise me if i didn't. i feel bad for my sister as i imagine she will get a phone call regarding this. a little piece of advice to all of you, if you think i'm bad when i'm pissed off, piss her off and see what happens. she has a hard enough time remembering the past as it is. she will simply forget that any of you were ever on this planet and just go on with her life. how i fucking wish i had that power. i remember everything. every cut, every fault, every wrong, every chance i had taken from me, every word talked down to me... and all these slights have built up over the years. none of you have a fucking chance of getting through this wall, but i'd at least like a damn attempt or two. it was one thing when my father was alive. it's another after he's dead and ALL of you know the truth now. but, to each their own. you want the evil me, i will more than happily play the role. one thing my mother always stressed was choices and consequences. what she never realized was i was more than willing to accept any consequence. i make my choices and keep on living. and another thing... all you fuckers talk about how my father always talked so proudly about me, but NONE of you have EVER told me what he said. i am too fucking old to simply hear what you think i need to hear. if he did say something good or bad about me, i'd love to know about it since the fucker never talked to me from 1995 until his death. and that's also true for all of you as well. i would apologize for doing this publicly but i like dirty laundry. i don't keep anything hidden, from my desires, my passions, my faults, my misgivings... they are all for the world. i have no guilt nor any shame. i almost feel bad that you do. almost.

enjoy some music as we get on with the rest of the show:

the New York Yankees won again yesterday, 7-2. another series win. they start a 4 game series tonight in Texas against the Rangers. hopefully the offense keeps on producing.

i did not watch the Gold Cup final last night. i saw that Mexico won. that sets up a game in October between Mexico and the USA to see who goes to the Confederations Cup. the idiots decided to have the game at the Rose Bowl. so, it will be more or less, a home game for Mexico. i won't be shocked when the boys lose another one.

the Sunday night shows were excellent. Big Brother made it look like Austin was dead man walking. spoiler alert: don't believe what you see. the Wednesday show will make you shit your pants. True Detective was great. things are getting really weird, which is great. The Strain was excellent last night. i can't wait for next week. Ballers was good. even The Brink was good this week. Ray Donovan was really good. Masters of Sex was excellent. and finally, Last Week Tonight was fucking on point once again:

i ordered some more art today from Fracture Me. i got some pictures i took from the farm a few years ago. plus, i got some more abstracts for myself. if you are interested in getting some art from there, use the code "RFR82293" to get $5 off your order.

i also got the camera i won via one of the survey places online in the mail today. it came with a case and a mini tripod. that should come in handy, especially if i want to do some more interesting YouTube videos, this time using two cameras.

enjoy a little culture kids as i get ready to wrap this fucker up:

tonight i will be flipping back and forth between baseball and Monday Night Raw.

i hope everyone had a great weekend. hopefully your Monday hasn't been too shitty.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...


Shinedown - Sound of Madness
JJ Grey & Mofro - This River
Traffic - Dear Mr. Fantasy
Broken Bells - Holding on for Life
Gary Clark, Jr. - Bright Lights

"As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection." - Carol Leifer

and your pro wrestling video of the day:

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