Tuesday, December 27, 2016

catharsis, sort of...

first, let me say that Every Brilliant Thing was amazing last night. i didn't know what it was about going into it, but i quickly knew it was about suicide once it started. i made the mistake of drinking while this was on. alcohol being a depressant already, oh boy, what a fucking ride. i absolutely love anything that can make me laugh and cry at the same time. for that alone, i highly urge you to check this out on HBO. now, while watching, i started to think about that i've had suicide in my head for 32 of the 40 years of my life. and part of me believes that's simply a byproduct of being inquisitive and a loner. another part of me thinks of how tragic that truly is. and when the guy talked about his mother's suicide last night, i started to think of the number of times i've been at that point. and why i haven't taken the next step? and then it was my mind racing to every time i think i take a step forward with my life, i'm suddenly dragged two steps back every fucking time. and part of me wonders how long i'll be able to keep this dance up before i've decided it's time. so, what usually happens is i end up in a really dark place mentally. last night was one of those times. now, sometimes amazing art comes from that dark place. sometimes i wake up in a pile of my own shit. and sometimes i wake up on the couch and the knives are under a bush outside (god i miss my 20's and tequila shots). last night, i ended up writing 3 poems in that dark place. i typed them up this morning and i really, really like them. i haven't decided where they will go, but i will certainly send them out sometime in 2017.

after i wrote those poems i actually got some sleep. damn near 6 hours, which is a fucking eternity for me.

team USA won in the World Juniors yesterday 6-1 over Latvia. thankfully, they got better as the game went on. they will next play Slovakia, which will be a tougher test.

i thought Monday Night Raw was pretty good last night, especially since it was the last show of 2016. i love that Braun Strowman is getting a push. he should absolutely be the next huge bad ass. plus, i'll never get tired of Jericho and Kevin Owens.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Smackdown. i'll watch 205 Live sometime tonight on WWE Network.

i will forever remember Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia. but, i'll remember her more for her books. she was a brilliant writer. rest in peace, you absolutely deserve it.

the New York Rangers play tonight at home against Ottawa. The King is out with the flu, so it's the backup goalie once again. hopefully the time off did the team some good and they can get back to winning.

a little advice for everyone out there. actually listen when in a conversation instead of simply waiting for your turn to talk. the world already has too many assholes in it. trust me, i'm one of them.

i have trash to do and my laundry to finish. my neck has been killing me all fucking day. and the weather can't make up its fucking mind what time of year it is.

good times.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...


Lucero - I Woke Up In New Orleans
Elliott Smith - Twilight
Trent Reznor - Hurt (Live)
Daniel Johnston - Some Things Last a Long Time

"Darling, the legs aren't so beautiful, I just know what to do with them." - Marlene Dietrich

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

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