when silence isn't good enough...

so Debbie pushed all the right buttons today and i gave her the line i had in my head knowing this day was coming. "at 45, i would hope you know about choices and consequences. you wanted change, this was what you got." as you might imagine, that did not go over well. the best part of the long ass stupid argument today was her believing my mental health is on shaky ground and needs attended to. pot, meet kettle. i left the option to her if she wanted to end the friendship or not. she was too much of a pussy to give me an answer, even though she pretty much gave me her answer in the update on the Gofundme page. i laugh at her belief that i'm upset at her not doing things the right way. there is no right way when fighting cancer. it's called whatever works. she never could get that into her head. she would rather have me tell her how good of a job she was doing and constantly need that affirmation every fucking hour of every fucking day. for someone who brags about being this bad ass and so damn tough because of surviving the streets... and so fucking unwilling to just admit the truth. this shit is scaring the shit out of her. and it should. it's life and death type shit now. and god forbid that i want her to use the social worker, use all the damn resources available to make things as easy as possible. and Debbie never wants to admit, she chose Colorado because weed was legal. i'm not sure you can complain about not having anyone there for you when that was never a concern when going there in the first place. but, once again, what the fuck do i know.

what truly pisses me off about this is i am falling madly in love with this woman in Rome, Italy and i can't fucking enjoy it because my best friend needs to have a fucking argument every fucking day.

and i am an asshole for saying she needs some psychological help immediately. her reply is i will never treat mine. that made me laugh.

i did get up this morning after some really shitty sleep. my left ankle has really been bothering me here lately. i can constantly feel the pressure building up in it. when i crack it (like cracking your knuckles), there is some relief, but it feels like it's just jammed right into my foot. good times. that had me tossing and turning for most of the night.

the grocery store was kind of dead this morning. and of course, they didn't have everything i needed. so, i had to go to the local grocery store to get everything else. all in all, i got it all done before noon. that includes getting gas as well. so, at least i got it all done before it got too fucking hot today. they are saying it's going to feel like 100 for the next few days. joy.

Vice News Tonight had another great week of shows.

Big Brother was pretty good last night.

Lip Sync Battle was much better than i thought it was going to be last night.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be VICE, 2 episodes of NJPW, Major League Wrestling and Real Time with Bill Maher.

the New York Yankees play Boston tonight at home. the Yankees are 1 game behind in the standings, so this is a pretty big series before July hits. hopefully, the Yankees win tonight and win the series.

i wasn't shocked that LeBron opted out today. at least everyone knows what the summer is going to be about in the NBA.

i will probably be on here tomorrow after the World Cup games are over. tomorrow France takes on Argentina and Portugal plays Uruguay. both of those games should be really good.

i hope everyone has a great weekend. if it is hotter than shit where you are, enjoy the air conditioning or remember to drink a little more water than liquor.

todo lo que siempre quise fue que alguien me amara tanto como yo los amaba.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Marshmello - Summer
St. Paul & The Broken Bones - Apollo
Mondo Cozmo - Your Motherfucker
Concrete Blonde - Rosalie
Vic Chesnutt - Flirted With You All My Life

"When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life." - Richard Lewis

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

Halloween in a winter coat

i went to bed really late last night/this morning. i had to do the dishes, mostly because i wanted to make sure there was some hot water running in these old pipes. the joys of having an old house and you're having your first freeze warning of the season. when i got up, it was close to 40 degrees. sadly, that's probably the high temperature for today. good times. reminds me of my youth having to wear a winter coat over my Halloween costume. thank god those days are over.

my plan worked out again with the New Orleans Saints last night. i picked against them and they won again, on the road even. i'll gladly keep up that habit if it gets them back to the playoffs. they are first in the division once again. a very good 28-10 win on short rest.

i did watch a little bit of LeBron's return to Cleveland. he played tighter than a nervous virgin in an orgy. painful to watch. i doubt they will play that bad again this season. especially against a team that sucks like the Knicks.

The Big Bang Theory was pretty good last night. Billy Bob Thornton did a great job in his role. thankfully, i'm not that fucking awkward around women.

i got an email from Janne Karlsson this morning with an assignment that i'm going to try to get done sometime this weekend. it's always a good sign when he sends me some art and i immediately have some words come to me.

mom and i have a hockey game in Columbus tonight. the Blue Jackets are facing the Toronto Maple Leafs. i love getting to see teams from the Original 6. all i have left out of those teams are Montreal and Boston. i think we have tickets for the Boston game in Columbus... or maybe not. i got to see Detroit and Chicago play in Chicago years ago. and i have seen the Rangers a handful of times in my life. hopefully it is a good game tonight. the Blue Jackets have a ton of injuries, so i'm thinking it may be a glorified minor league team tonight. but, another chance for me to amaze my sister by knowing all the words to O Canada.

it is supposed to be snowing tonight after the game. i would prefer if that shit would wait until i get back home. not that i fear driving in the elements... it's the other assholes on the road i can't stand. plus, most of the drive will be in under construction zones on the highway. good times.

hopefully we get home at a decent time as i would like to catch the new episode of Sonic Highways tonight. Foo Fighters are quickly becoming one of my all-time bands.

i have no clue when i'll be on here tomorrow. i'm guessing late morning/early afternoon as Ohio State plays tomorrow night. it's a pretty big sports weekend, most notably it is the Manchester Derby weekend. i'm slowly gearing myself up to be mentally spent by Sunday at noon.

hope everyone has a great Halloween. try not to be too big of a prick to the kids knocking on the door. and don't be the asshole that gives something other than candy.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Arcade Fire - Wake Up
The Orwells - Let It Burn (Live)
Paolo Nutini - Iron Sky
Wolfmother - Joker & The Thief
Butthole Surfers - Pepper

"There is nothing stable in the world; uproar's your only music." - John Keats

and from the fog comes the monster...

yet another day of dense fog here. didn't really burn off until noon and it has already started creeping back in. i would understand if i lived by a body of water, but i don't. the guy who farms out here got a couple of rows of corn off last night before it started to rain. i have no clue when the rest of it will come off.

The Voice last night was really good. can't wait to the live shows. i think each team has a person that can win the show. but, the reason i think Blake has won 3 seasons in a row is the army of loyal fans he has built up. if he wins this season, i will be convinced it's simply because he has more loyal fans than the other 3 coaches.

i did watch a little of the start to the NBA season last night. i always try to watch a little of anytime LeBron plays. he's the best player on the planet right now, and quite frankly, it's not close.

i did watch more of the New York Rangers game than i thought i would. the highlights below will tell you why.

i did get a good number of the players i wanted in fantasy football. plus, it's always nice when you can plan ahead a few weeks and stash players away on your bench. hopefully i have 2 wins coming this week.

i'm looking forward to American Horror Story tonight. that should put me in the mood for Halloween.

i strongly recommend everyone check out episode 77 of the Sam Roberts Show Online. you can find it on iTunes, Stitcher, notsam.com, or by going down the right hand side of this blog. listen to it before you go out and potentially embarrass yourself with your Halloween costume.

that's all for today. i've got a dinner to put on and a shower to take. and i'm not exactly sure what order i'm going to do that in.

be well.

music:

Black Joe Lewis - Noise Trade Eastside Manor Sessions
PJ Harvey - To Bring You My Love
M83 - Hurry Up, We're Dreaming.

"I guess the definition of a lunatic is a man surrounded by them." - Ezra Pound

and now the damn song that's been stuck in my head for the last 2 days

amazing what can be done on hardly no sleep at all

allow me to start off this post with a link to the latest podcast from Sam Roberts. episode #59, Cool Kids, can be found at iTunes, Stitcher, and at notsam.com. if you really are lazy, you can also find it by looking down the right hand side of this blog. once you have listened to the episode, go check out the band Sam is talking about on YouTube. they are fucking amazing.

luckily for me last night, the Yankees game was rained out. that of course meant they had to play a doubleheader today. they hung on to win the first game 6-4. thankfully, the Dodgers had 4 errors which really helped the cause. the next game is coming up in a little bit. i would love to see them win that as well.

with the rain out last night, i could better manage my television viewing. i ended up watching all of The Voice finale. third year in a row i have called it correctly. i believe both Danielle and Michelle could be pretty good artists down the line. as for the Swon Brothers, i have no clue. i guess a life of state fairs could be in the offering. also, is there any part of Cher that is real anymore. they should have spent the money on the hologram. during commercial breaks, i would sneak a quick glance at the soccer match and the basketball game.

after The Voice went off i caught the latest episode of Deadliest Catch. brilliant as always.

after that, i caught most of the 4th quarter and all of overtime in the NBA Finals. i can't wait to see a game 7 between 2 teams that can't win 2 games in a row. i get the feeling LeBron is going to go out guns blazing. hopefully his teammates do the same.

i finally got a chance to listen to the new Black Sabbath cd i got the other day. holy shit, it's great. really took me back to my youth listening to metal. i highly recommend it.

big win by team USA last night over Honduras, 1-0. they are virtually 3 more points away from sewing up a spot in the next World Cup. i really like the way this team is clicking now. highlights below:

i did a quick glance through some poems today and i think i have come up with 9 poems that should be going out on Friday. of course, i'll do a little fine tuning tomorrow to make sure i'm not sending rejected poems back to the same places. my anal nature regarding such things has prevented me from those kind of rookie mistakes for the last 20 years.

a thank you to the muse for the heads up on the deal she emailed me today. of course, it was already sold out, but i do greatly appreciate the thought. hope you have a wonderful night my beautiful friend.

that is all for today. 1 victory beer down, 1 to go...

music today:

Black Sabbath - 13 (Best Buy Deluxe Edition)

"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive." - Elbert Hubbard

a sunny, now rainy, now sunny again Monday

i was on the phone last night with the muse until almost 3:30 in the morning. i laugh at the problems the beautiful people get themselves into some time. amazingly, i've never had that problem.

the Yankees got just enough offense yesterday to win 2-1. these close games are driving me insane, or if my family has any say in it, more insane, and can't possibly be good for my health in general. but i damn sure enjoy the wins. they are off tonight before starting a series in Oakland.

i did watch a good portion of game 2 of the NBA Finals last night. that block LeBron had was one of the best i can ever remember on a dunk attempt.

the Sunday night shows were great as usual. i really liked Nurse Jackie last night.

tonight will be a mix of The Voice and Monday Night Raw. and if i remember, i will try to use the WWE app while i'm watching Raw. that is of course if my high speed internet is actually high speed this evening.

Critter Control was out here today. there are now some traps up for the various creatures out here that have been fucking with the cat food and bird feeders. should be interesting to see what they catch by morning. i did find out this weekend that there is a new coyote and 4 pups in the den in the back of the property. should be interesting to see how many cats go missing here in the next few days.

and if you want to laugh, be amazed, or just be shocked, please go to this link:
http://www.stereogum.com/1378201/angel-haze-no-bueno-video-nsfw/video/

those are some images i won't be able to scrub from my brain for quite some time.

music today:

Fitz And The Tantrums - More Than Just A Dream
Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears - Scandalous
Bruno Mars - Unorthodox Jukebox

"It's lonely and cold on the top... lonely and cold." - Judy Garland

losing streaks

anyone that knows me knows just how much i hate losing. i'm the most competitive person i know and quite frankly, it's disgusting. so, knowing the Yankees are in the midst of a 5 game losing streak with the fucking Red Sox coming to town, is driving me nuts.

the Yankees last night once again made the Mets look like a competent baseball team in a 3-1 loss. some of the injured players are supposed to come back tonight. i'm not even sure if that would help this team right now. who knows if they have found rock bottom or not. if they haven't, this has the makings of a long fucking season.

and the other losing streak on my mind is my own. i heard back from Nerve Cowboy today on my poetry submission from back in February. they have decided to pass. this of course is no big deal in the grand scheme of things. but for a poet who tends to over analyze everything... that's 2 major submissions in the past week that have come up blank. not good. but, now i really have some poems to go through and send out soon. my apologies in advance to the editors and publishers that follow this blog.

so, you can imagine the great mood i'm in. thankfully, got a little money in the mail today for Sofisticated White Trash, so that is what i'm focusing on. or at least trying to.

the weather is supposed to get a little hectic here in a bit. scattered thunderstorms today and a 40% chance of a possible tornado tomorrow. just what i need. more shit to drive me more crazy than i already am.

i did watch a good bit of the LeBron James show last night, otherwise known as the Eastern Conference Finals. i laugh at all these fucking idiots who won't take the time to understand that it's much better to enjoy watching one of the best players ever, especially by the time he is done, than constantly shitting on him because he doesn't fit YOUR mold of great. and yes, i know, he won't be Michael Jordan. no one will. but, there will never be another LeBron James either.

just had a knock on the door from Fed Ex. and instantly my mind races to one of my big porn fantasies. of course it was a guy. it never fails. where are all the female drivers who have no more deliveries to make and a dirtier mind than mine?

hope everyone has a great and safe weekend. i'm really hoping i have no damage to report over the weekend here on the farm. but i have this knot in my stomach telling me that i might be way fucking closer to a tornado this weekend than i really want to be. and of course, my sick ass will try to get some pictures or videos if something does happen.

music today:

Howlin' Wolf - The Definitive Collection
Tom Waits - Heartattack And Vine

"Be curious, not judgmental." - Walt Whitman

a part of me hopes it ends tonight

as you could probably tell by the 2 new YouTube videos, i had a quick outburst of creativity yesterday. and, i got to fuck around with the windows live movie maker and i'm pretty happy with the results.

the Yankees last night got a rare badly pitched game from Kuroda and lost 6-3. of course, they got the normal injury scare with Kuroda as well, but it looks like he won't miss any time. i've never seen a team get so many fucking injuries in my life. it's past the point of unreal.

the Yankees are off tonight, which means most of my attention will be on the New York Rangers and their let's see if they really give a shit or not game 4 this evening. i might be watching this with one eye closed. there's part of me that hopes they lose tonight so the agony can finally be done with. the other part of me wants them to win just so they won't be swept by a team from Boston. i want to believe they can at least win 1 game in the series. i want to, just don't know if i can.

for those interested, the dirty toilet in my video "stink" has been cleaned.

been a real rainy, dreary day here on the farm. hardly any sunshine at all. and speaking of depressing, i heard back from Presa on my poetry submission from 3/22. they decided to pass. oh well, looks like i've got 5 "new" poems to throw in the mix again.

i did watch a good portion of the Miami Heat game last night. how the fuck you can give LeBron a layup in the closing seconds of overtime is beyond me. i would be rooting for the Pacers if they didn't have David West on their team. there's one guy i wouldn't mind seeing no longer existing on the face of the earth. i haven't liked him since college. he was a prick then and still is now. just richer.

if the Rangers lose tonight, i guess i'll be shaving off the playoff beard and taking a long, long, long shower. i've mentally prepared myself all day long for the possibility of it happening. fuck me.

a big thank you to Frontier Communications for their usually shitty job with my high speed internet. i guess it going out for 40 minutes is no big deal.

until tomorrow, hopefully...

music today:

Grouplove - Never Trust A Happy Song
The Afghan Whigs - Unbreakable (A Retrospective 1990 - 2006)

"Information is not knowledge." - Albert Einstein

a Tuesday glued to storm coverage

i woke up this morning to the same persistent fuck me winds i went to sleep with. and some blowing snow. went out to feed the cats and it felt like it was in the teens. i get it mother nature, you're a bad motherfucker. enough already.

one thing that DIRECTV does during these major storms is take an extra channel and devote it to all local coverage of the storm. so, as you can imagine, the majority of my day has been spent watching that.

not sure how the friends i have in Queens or New Jersey are doing. i'm hoping ok. i figure when the power comes back on they will find the emails.

NBA season starts tonight. i'll try to catch some of that to take my eyes away from storm damage coverage. plus, a part of me will love seeing LeBron get his ring. i always love a good heel.

love the knockout round on The Voice. great new element to the show. should be an interesting second night. that said, the live shows can't come soon enough.

hope everyone is well.

music today:

Joshua James - Build Me This

"Literature is news that stays news." - Ezra Pound

#Team Punk

sports nuggets

watched the Yankees try their hardest to blow a 7 run lead but somehow they eventually won 12-8. at least my constant bitching turned into a win. this team drives me fucking nuts.

watched Manchester United lose to Barcelona on penalty kicks. the boys defended well, but they can't score to save their lives. how the fuck do you miss 3 penalty kicks? i never thought i'd utter these words, but fuck, go get Robin Van Persie.

hopefully team USA in men's basketball continues to understand, great defense makes offense so much easier. fitting that LeBron would get the first triple double in Olympic history.

watched a little of the soccer action from Yankee Stadium. AC Milan and Real Madrid. makes me wish CR7 was still playing for Manchester United. maybe one day. please.

the Yankees have a day game on Thursday, so i'll be watching that but most of my time will be spent watching women's soccer. hopefully the USA women can get a little revenge on Japan.

"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass." - Martin Mull

reverse psychology

rained a bit overnight, thankfully. right now it's starting to thunder and sprinkle. tomorrow there is supposed to be more rain. i suppose i should have told fuck you to mother nature sooner (see my last post).

after a nice win last night, the Yankees got bitch smacked by King Felix today. 2 hits over 9 innings aren't going to amount to much when they don't leave the yard. 1-0 loss. Kuroda really only made 1 mistake. just not a good day for offense. oh well. hopefully the Red Sox overpay for Felix in the off season and he never pitches like this against the Yankees again.

watched a bit of Olympic soccer today. brutal match with Brazil and Honduras. and who would have thought Great Britain would lose on penalty kicks. must be part of the DNA by now. Mexico or Brazil will win it all i do believe.

also enjoyed a little tennis as well. always nice to see Serena win. always nice to see her period. didn't enjoy the USA men's volleyball team choking away a 2 set lead to lose in 5. and it was nice to see the men's basketball team actually struggle and LeBron come through again as everyone stood around and waited for him to do something. best player in the world right now. just wish he wouldn't have to be prodded to do everything all the time.

with most of my sports viewing done for the day, sans a little UFC this evening, i'll be busy going over the rough copy of my book. i need to come up with a bio. i've got the dedication and quotes all taken care of. i truly want to have "Sofisticated White Trash" just blow people away. kind of scary to think i wrote all 175 or so pages in that book over the years. quite the road my friends. hopefully many of you enjoy the ride.

music today:

Paul Thorn - What The Hell Is Goin' On?
Elvis Costello - The Best Of - The First 10 Years

"The best way to predict the future is to invent it." - Alan Kay

it's friday already

was very happy for LeBron last night. i totally agree with what a reporter in Miami said he should do. size the championship ring for his middle finger. i know he won't, but that would make me a bigger fan.

i got a good laugh when the Greeks today tugged on superman's cape and tied the game with Germany at 1. the German response was clinical and deadly. 3 straight goals. Greece got a meaningless penalty kick goal late in the match but it was well decided by then. if the Germans don't make it to the final of EURO 2012 i'll be stunned.

the subway series starts back up tonight. not real interested in it, although the Mets closer calling the Yankees chickens hopefully starts a bean ball war. i would love to see a 1996 brawl like the one the Yankees had against Baltimore. good times.

got my business cards in the mail today. they are fucking spectacular. i love Vistaprint. i've been doing business with them for years and they never disappoint. highly recommended.

not a lot of music today as i snuck in a few cat naps. but i did manage to listen to this gem this morning:

Alice in Chains - Unplugged

i hope everyone has a great weekend. i'm hoping the Rangers have a good draft or at least make an interesting trade or two.

peace and chicken grease.

"A pain stabbed my heart as it did every time I saw a girl I loved who was going the opposite direction in this too-big world." - Jack Kerouac

someone turn off the damn heat

some genius said it's supposed to rain tonight. i've stopped giving a shit...

nice win by Portugal today in EURO 2012 action. of course, anytime i can watch that clown goalie from Chelsea lose, i'm all in.

good news to report from The Camel Saloon. 2 of the 3 i sent were accepted for publication. i like that batting average. i'll post some links when they do get published.

looking forward to game 5 of the NBA finals tonight. maybe LeBron will win and everyone will shut the fuck up for a bit. for the sake of my sports talk ears, i hope so.

was hoping my new business cards would be in the mail today, like they said they were going to be. but, of course, they weren't. alas, there's always tomorrow.

music for today:

Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band - Live! in Chicago
Tori Amos - from the choirgirl hotel

"A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar." - Mark Twain

insert Beth Orton lyric here

a good sunday morning to anyone who stumbles upon this blog. i hope you are doing well. better than i am at the very least. a night of shitty sleep after helping the muse deal with a shitty day. got 5 poems rejected from Gloom Cupboard on top of everything as well. you win some, you lose more times than not. welcome to life as a poet.

a nice sports day for me. Yankees going for the sweep. French Open finals. a little Nascar, EURO 2012 as well and i have a nice, well rounded, sophisticated white trash day ahead of me.

nice to see my favorite anti-hero make the NBA finals. maybe LeBron will win it for a change and give the entire world the middle finger. enjoy being the heel. embrace it. you'll never have more fun in your life.

i'm hoping the storms they are calling for tonight are just rain and not much else. i don't need a light show or the power going out. masturbating by candle light can get tricky, if you know what i mean.

happy birthday to the first real love of my life. i hope you are doing well and have a wonderful day with your family and friends.

went a little soft and pretentious for music this morning

Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago
The Civil Wars - Barton Hollow

"All the forces in the world are not so powerful as an idea whose time has come."
   - Victor Hugo

a friday in june, stuck indoors

by choice. the sun tends to be my enemy these type of days.

great game from LeBron last night. as Dan Patrick said this morning, if they win game 7, it's historic, if they lose, it's a footnote.

not surprised the Yankees couldn't pull off the sweep. much easier to revert back to the old bullshit that sadly this season is being built upon. no shutdown innings, no key hits, no timely hits, blah blah blah. maybe the series against the Mets will get my juices going, but i doubt it.

watched the start of EURO 2012 today. i suppose my afternoons of music listening are going to be replaced for the next month or so.

i sent 5 poems to Underground Voices today. fingers are crossed.

other than the usual back pain and apathy, taking cat naps while watching soccer on tv in the air conditioning today wasn't that bad.

and it's always good to hear from a friend. hello.

not as much music today, but 2 of my favorites snuck their way into my ears

Jamey Johnson - That Lonesome Song
Cowboy Junkies - Studio: Selected Studio Recordings 1986-1995

"A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love." - Max Muller

ramblings

my internet today has gone from out, to fast as hell, to slow. at least i got my porn viewing done during the fast as hell time. and a hello to Jada Fire.

would be nice to see the Yankees get the sweep tonight. fingers are crossed.

and in the it's all LeBron's fault eastern conference finals, i couldn't really give 2 shits what happens. as long as the last 5 minutes are entertaining, i'm good.

a nice odd mix of music today

Beck - Guero
N.W.A. - Straight Outta Compton
The Breeders - Last Splash
Sex Pistols - Never Mind the Bollocks Here's the Sex Pistols

"As long as people believe in absurdities they will continue to commit atrocities." - Voltaire

the after midnight and i'm drinking sports report

well, the Yankees tried. they tried and tried to blow another fucking game to the Angels. blew a 4 run lead and tried to give the game away in the 9th. but, somehow, Trumbo flies out on a hanging slider and the Yankees win 6-5. makes the west coast swing a little better.

team USA lost to Brazil 4-1. the score doesn't tell the whole story. the u.s. had chance after chance in the second half after being bitch smacked in the first half. still, only down 2-1 at half. too many chances unfinished and Brazil doesn't need many chances to score. the game was more competitive than i thought it would be but the boys have miles to go before hanging with the big boys on a consistent level.

did tune into the hockey game in time to watch Fatso and the devils lose in overtime. almost brought a smile to my face. but the Rangers aren't in it, so i couldn't give more than two shits about it.

did catch a good bit of the heat and celtics tonight. when the fuck did Rondo learn how to shoot. the celtics fucked up by wasting that effort from him. i doubt he'll be able to hit that many jumpers again in his life. i'll give LeBron credit. at least he took the final shot in regulation. he missed it of course. baby steps i suppose.

and now, a good sports quote to go leave you with

"Fans don't boo nobodies." - Reggie Jackson