Tuesday, June 28, 2016

should you still have feelings for the one that crushed your heart?

i don't have a twitter account. but, i do creep on twitter from time to time... keep up with sports, news, old friends, etc. so, last night i saw one of the women i used to be in love with was in an accident. she's always been a pretty private person, so her stating this publicly somewhat surprised me. so i sent her an email and ended it with love, J.J. the one warning i have had to every woman is if i ever tell you i love you, it's unconditional and forever. as you might imagine, the amount of heartbreak that has resulted in has fueled 24 years of writing poems. part of me really wonders if i should still be that way. it's painfully obvious the small number of women that have told me they love me don't think of it the same way. i'll admit, in the dark times, it truly is hard to even think of love. and my hindsight is full of what ifs and quite honestly, my imagination never sees any of them as something good. i remember my old friend that got me into writing poetry in the first place. he told me i was made for this... that i can walk into any situation or society and think of things in a poetic way. now 40, i often look at the negative in that. the tragedy of needing the bad to make "art". that my critical eyes have never been able to enjoy moments or snapshots of time, all because my brain was always thinking about the next poem, the next line, the next funny way to say the same thing again. ultimately, i figure i will die alone. broke, broken and probably with a pen in hand. it's not the way i want it to happen, but there's plenty of shit in this world i don't get to control. but, i do admit, it's creepy as hell to drive past roadside memorials and wonder if that was the one that was supposed to complete my life. and sadly, it's that emptiness that keeps me clinging to the few moments in my life that i felt i had the one. the handful of women that made me feel like i was something special to someone other than myself. i keep hoping that sometime while i'm on the back side of the circle, i'll actually get to feel that again. and maybe even more than just over the phone or in an email. we all know what happens when hope dies...

i did a little poetry work yesterday. i believe i have 15 unpublished poems that i actually like. probably tomorrow, i'll assemble them and submit them for possible publication. i haven't had a chapbook out in years, so i'm really hoping this works out.

Euro 2016 Update:
Italy completely outplayed Spain for the entire game yesterday. Italy won 2-0 and honestly, it should have been worse. Iceland had a huge upset of England, 2-1. when England scored early, i was really curious to see what Iceland would do. when they scored just 2 minutes later, i knew Iceland had the fight in them to pull off the upset. England's coach resigned after the game. rightly so as i imagine this will be a black eye for the country for years to come. so the quarterfinals look like this:
Poland vs. Portugal, Wales vs. Belgium, Germany vs. Italy, France vs. Iceland. it should be really entertaining from here on out.

the New York Yankees lost last night 9-6. they had a 6-5 lead going into the 9th and then had to sit through a 3 1/2 hour rain delay. so you can imagine my joy watching them lose at 2:30 in the morning. of course, if my hope is for them to blow up the team, they will hopefully lose again tonight.

Monday Night Raw was pretty much fucking boring for most of it last night. i did like that they addressed the elephant in the room with Roman Reigns suspension. plus, anytime i can see John Cena get the shit beat out of him, i'll be happy for a moment or two. the highlight for me was the interaction between Chris Jericho, Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens. that was perfectly scripted.

i did watch the documentary How to Let Go of the World (and Love All the Things Climate Can't Change) last night on HBO. it was a very sobering look at climate change. it's a move i hope the whole world watches, especially the ignorant fucks that don't believe in climate change.
for more info, go to: http://www.howtoletgomovie.com/index.html

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

nothing on the DVR tonight, so maybe i'll catch up on sleep or drinking.

i did listen to the latest Sam & Cathy podcast yesterday. you can find that by going here:

i listened to College Hoops Today with John Rothstein this morning. his guest was Dayton's head coach, Archie Miller. he's trying to do something no Dayton coach has ever done, make the NCAA tournament 4 years in a row. it's a really good interview. you can find it by going here:

i just wanted to take a moment and thank Stephen Williams for everything over the years and for publishing me numerous times over at Dead Snakes. it will certainly be missed.

i need to get some lunch and take a shower. that's all for me today kids.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...


FIDLAR - Sabotage
Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa & Imagine Dragons, etc. - Sucker for Pain
Beyonce w/Kendrick Lamar - Freedom
DJ Shadow w/ Run The Jewels - Nobody Speak

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." - Mel Brooks

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

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