Tuesday, October 9, 2018

a white hot rage...

i pride myself on not being late for shit. so, when i showed up for my physical therapy session yesterday 25 minutes early, i figured it was a good thing. let's just say, my life would have been better if i would have been only 10 minutes early. so, i had all my paperwork already filled out. i had my driver's license and my insurance card all ready to go. and i had my credit card ready to pay the $60 for the session. there was this woman at the other window making an appointment. i paid no attention to her. i got my receipts and sat down in the waiting room. the woman that was at the other window started to walk out and then stopped and looked at me and said i thought was your car. how is the landscaping coming along? they really took all of that down. good luck, good seeing you... you know i try my fucking best to be positive and do the right thing. i really, really want to enjoy life. but there are moments constantly that will remind me, i don't get to live that life. that woman that was talking to me was the woman who molested me as a child. i'm not sure any of you can imagine just how fucking pissed i was while sitting there stewing in my hate for the next 25 fucking minutes before my appointment. i tried deep breaths, i tried counting to a million, i tried to picture the perfect way to die... nothing calmed me down. i'm not sure if any of the physical therapists picked up on it or not. by the time i went back for my appointment, i really didn't fucking care. the physical therapist i saw was pretty good. he believes it's a muscle problem in my back. the way i explained it to him and the way he told me what he thought, i tend to believe his diagnosis. basically i have a back muscle that contracted and never bothered to expand back out. so, he worked on my back for about 20 minutes or so. and then he ran electricity through it for 15 minutes. he did show me a couple stretches to do that should help my middle back. so far, they have. i see him again next Monday. hopefully, i won't be as fucking pissed as i was yesterday. on the ride home, it seemed like every fucking song was something that reminded me of some fucking situation in my life. the temptation to get the Highlander up to 100 and see how quickly death would arrive was so fucking tempting. i figure one of these nights i'm going to have to write and just pour it all out again on the page. that's part of the reason why i fear writer's block. if that ever cripples me, i don't have much choice with what will come next.

i woke up this morning and my back was sore, but it was more like the good sore. after i get this done, i'm going to have a nice long icing session, that's for sure.

the New York Yankees were absolutely fucking awful last night, from the manager down to the fucking players. they lost to Boston 16-1. and honestly, it didn't feel like it was that close. thank fucking god the Saints were on so i could watch something else. the Yankees are playing for their season tonight, so it should be interesting to see what happens. if they lose, i know one thing for sure, my face is going to look completely different.

the New Orleans Saints defeated Washington last night, 43-19. Drew Brees set the record for the most passing yards in NFL history. the Saints have a bye week coming this week. with the injuries they had last night, it's good timing. Drew now has 399 touchdown passes. they tried so damn hard for him to get to 400 last night. oh well, it will happen in the next game.

Monday Night Raw was really good last night.

The Voice was good last night.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Vice News Tonight, Smackdown, The Jim Jefferies Show, Mayans M.C., The Voice and the season finale of Mr Inbetween.

the landscaping is going pretty good. i really like the stone mom picked out for this project. i think it's going to look really good when they get done.

i can't believe how fucking hot it is for the 9th day of October. i guess we really are down to two seasons anymore, hot and cold.

i need to go ice my back down and then do the trash here and next door.

that's all for me kids.

lágrimas de rabia corren por mi cara como un prisionero muriendo al sol

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...


John Lennon - God
John Lennon - Mother
John Lennon - Nobody Told Me
John Lennon - Imagine
John Lennon - Mind Games

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." - John Lennon

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

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