it's a dull ache at first...

it started raining around 4 in the morning. that was a little more than 12 hours ago. it hasn't stopped since it started. i didn't sleep well, i haven't felt well all day, the sunshine is nowhere to be seen. not exactly the kind of day i need when i really need to be productive. i'd rather curl up into a ball and stay in bed and hope for death. the only thing i think will help the pain is alcohol and i know if i start down that path, there is no coming back for me. and being blessed with the gene, i have no doubt i would be one of those functioning alcoholics that will die a spectacular death. well, come to think of it, why not go down that path? it's not like finding the pleasure in the pain has taken me somewhere i have never been before. broke and lonely. welcome to my 20's again. now you know why i talk to myself all day long. these are the kind of conversations i have. sometimes they become poems, sometimes they become cries for help. neither amount to much in the long run, although i want to believe they are helping keeping the demons away, albeit that's just temporary. my demise is right around the next corner. and god knows, i'm no good at walking a straight line.

the New York Yankees lost last night, 2-1. the kid pitched well enough to win, but thanks to yet another error from Chase Headley and an offense forgetting how to hit a knuckleball, Severino set an American League record in the loss. 7 strikeouts, no walks, 2 hits, 1 earned run. i'd take that in every outing and hope that the fucking offense can score more than one damn run. they play again tonight. CC is pitching. i have no clue how they win this series now. and don't look now, but the next series is with the team closing the gap quickly, Toronto.

NXT was excellent last night. the match between Bayley and Charlotte was so good:

i was also happy to see that the rematch between Kevin Owens and Finn Balor is now going to be a ladder match. that should be fucking awesome.

speaking of fucking awesome, part 2 of Ultima Lucha last night was off the charts fucking great. every match brought something special. the best match, to me at least, was Vampiro vs. Pentagon Jr. the amount of blood and pure fucking chaos truly brought me back to the ECW days of the 90's. it was amazing. it would be a crime if Lucha Underground doesn't get a second season. here are some highlights from last night:

i watched bits and pieces of the ROH episode again last night. i used that to help me get over the Yankees loss. Big Brother was interesting last night. i was happy that James won the POV. now, i have no damn clue who is going home tonight. if they were smart, Shelli would get evicted. for some reason, i don't see that happening. i really hope i'm wrong, especially since her boy toy would still be in the house and Meg has plans for him. to know that Shelli would be at home watching that is just too good to pass up. so, i figure the boy toy gets evicted tonight and i don't get to have any fun.

before i get any further, we need some music:

and now laugh:

tonight on the DVR will be Big Brother, Married, Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll and Lip Sync Battle. i figure i will also try to squeeze in the last Daily Show that Jon Stewart will host. hopefully i'm enjoying a victory beer during that.

i'm not looking forward to tomorrow. i believe we are going to the VA to see where my father is buried and see how the fuck we can get a death certificate. my gut tells me that fucker never legally got married again and that he never did another will after he and mom got divorced. and considering it's been 3 1/2 months since he died, his estate should already be closed up. and i really have no clue if the court will use the will he did in 1980 as the legal will or not. i figure i'll have to contact a fucking lawyer to figure all this out. to think how easy this could have been if he would have just killed me when he tried to choke me to death...

enjoy the visual kids.

that's all for me. the drizzle is "supposed" to stop sometime soon. i doubt that will make me feel any better.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

The Flaming Lips - Do You Realize??
Dr. Dog - Too Weak To Ramble (Live)
Otis Redding - A Change Is Gonna Come
Michelle Branch - Creep (Acoustic)
The Cure - Disintegration (Remastered)

"I never think that people die. They just go to department stores." - Andy Warhol

and your pro wrestling video of the day: