making a game out of insomnia...

my subconscious is this evil fucker who loves to see me suffer. i couldn't sleep worth a shit last night. i went to bed around 2 and first saw the clock at 2:30. when i saw the clock again at 3:15, the asshole deep within decided to have fun and make a game out of it. so, i saw the clock about every 10 minutes for the next couple of hours. eventually, around 5:30 i said enough, and turned my fan on in the room. that was enough white noise i guess that i was able to get almost 2 straight hours of sleep. i woke up at 7:30 and remembered i didn't check my email before going to bed. joy.

i had an email this morning from a publisher in England i contacted out of the blue yesterday about possibly doing a chapbook. i figured this would be a way to get my ass in gear if the publisher was interested. he just happens to be interested, so this morning was a bit of a rush getting some poems together for a possible chapbook with Analog Submission Press. i've got 20 poems together and a kick ass title in mind. now, i'm just waiting for the cover art from my good friend and killer artist Janne Karlsson.

i figured out where my next 31 poems will be going for my next round of poetry submissions. hopefully, the chapbook and the poetry submissions will go out sometime this week.

the New York Yankees fell behind early last night to the Mets. the Yankees scored when i wasn't watching, so my superstitious ass didn't watch the game until there was 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th. by that time, the Yankees were up 4-3. and thankfully, they won the game 4-3. they can go for the sweep of the shitty Mets tonight.

Justify did win the Triple Crown yesterday by winning the Belmont Stakes. it did so rather easily, leading the entire damn race.

amazingly, the USA held France to a 1-1 draw yesterday. i couldn't believe how good the kids for the USA did. of course, part of the blame goes on France as well. i don't put much stock in it from their point of view, as i know none of the French players wanted to get injured before the World Cup. but, i'm really proud of the kids that played for the USA as they showed they have a bit of talent at their young age to actually compete at a high level. just imagine what they could be when those 19 year olds are 23 and 24.

ROH was really good last night.

the finale of Patrick Melrose was great last night. any award this series comes up for, they should win. every episode was great.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be the season finale of Billions, I'm Dying Up Here, Westworld, Succession, Last Week Tonight, Drop the Mic and Total Bellas.

we're supposed to have another rainy day today, so i get the feeling i might spend a good portion of today with ice on my back in the massage chair. good times.

yesterday was a tough day for Debbie. she could use any help you can give. donate by going here:
https://www.gofundme.com/5m0wfqg

my sister was here for a little while yesterday. she brought down this tool she has to do her gutters and decided to do mom's gutters, between storms. it's something mom and i should probably get so we can do the gutters ourselves.

that's all for me kids. happy birthday to my first girlfriend, who i still very much love. stay beautiful.

i hope everyone had a great Saturday. hope your Sunday is even better.

el amor es una señora hecha jirones que lleva un cuchillo

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Cigarettes After Sex - Crush
Matt and Kim - Forever
Bad Wolves - Zombie

"My best attribute is knowing when not to answer stupid questions." - Gina Gershon

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

never wanted to be a juggler, let alone a good one...

i, well at least when my ego is healthy, kind of pride myself on being a good multi-tasking motherfucker at times. you know, one of these assholes that has 5 or 6 plates spinning and it still able to get everything done. it was much easier when i could burn the candle at both ends and didn't need to take a break. now, arthritis has claimed ownership and runs the fucking show. we had storms rolling through most of the night last night and i didn't get as much done as i wanted to. i was hoping to say i sent out this many poems to such and such, but shit, i haven't even gone through the big file to know what poems i want to even send out yet. between my best friend trying to defeat breast cancer and being depressed at the same time, to my mother who is having trouble with her vision and stress, to myself coming to terms that i have all the signs of someone who is suicidal. good times. i was watching some Anthony Bourdain tributes last night, as i had obviously not cried enough during the day, and they had a segment about what people should look for in someone who might be suicidal. and sure enough, i could check off every damn box for myself. that's a sobering thought to try to sleep to. yet, i still wake the fuck up. i have always said i would like to die in my sleep and have it be peaceful. who the fuck am i fooling?

the New York Yankees won last night over the Mets, 4-1. i wasn't happy when the second pitch of the game from the Yankees starter ended up in the upper deck. thankfully, the Mets suck and that was the only run they scored all night. the Yankees are back in first place in the division. hopefully, it stays that way when they play again tonight.

when i noticed LeBron wasn't playing that well last night, i didn't bother to watch much more of Game 4 of the NBA Finals. i would be shocked if LeBron returns to Cleveland. hell, he brought them one championship. that is amazing enough. here are your highlights from Game 4 last night.

NJPW was excellent last night.

Major League Wrestling was pretty good last night.

Real Time with Bill Maher was hilarious last night.

Wyatt Cenac's Problem Areas was very good last night.

Vice was very good last night as well.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be ROH and the finale of Patrick Melrose.

i will be watching the USA Men's National team as they play France in a soccer friendly today. considering it is in France and it's their sendoff to the World Cup, i won't be shocked if the USA gets killed today.

hopefully Justify will win the Triple Crown at The Belmont Stakes later today. i do plan on watching that.

i believe my sister is coming down for a little while today. that should be interesting.

that's all for me kids. i hope everyone has a great Saturday. be safe and call if you need bail money.

la presión hace diamantes, con suerte antes de que lleguen las personas muertas

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

The Delta Saints - Crazy
John Prine - Loretta
Dorothy - Flawless
The Black Crowes - Willin' (Live)

"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something." - Jackie Mason

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

when the dreams and nightmares become one...

i think i spent most of yesterday in a fog of depression and pain. i don't think i'm quite out of that fog just yet, although the first poem of June arrived this morning and it's fucking brilliant. so, there is light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't a fucking train.

the curse of Dublin still exists for the USA men's national team. they were outplayed for most of the game yesterday but had the lead at halftime, 1-0. they couldn't find the goal they needed in the second half and saw Ireland score the eventual game winner in stoppage time. fuck me. the USA lost 2-1. in 6 days they will play France in Lyon. i'm hoping the kids will play and the USA won't lose by too many.

the New York Yankees won last night in Baltimore, 8-5. they can go for the series sweep this afternoon, weather permitting. (game has been rained out, doubleheader on August 25th)

here are your highlights from Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Final last night:

ROH was very good last night.

Patrick Melrose certainly struck a chord with me last night. the finale of this brilliant series will be next Saturday.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Billions, I'm Dying Up Here, Westworld, Succession, Last Week Tonight, Total Bellas and Drop the Mic.

Game 2 of the NBA Finals is tonight. i will probably watch a little of that late, if the game is close.

and the laundry i didn't get to yesterday (all of it) will probably (hopefully) get done today.

i hope everyone had a good Saturday. i do hope your Sunday will be even better.

that's all for me kids.

a veces, debes disfrutar del descenso a la locura

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Jim Croce - You Don't Mess Around with Jim
Marianne Faithfull - The Ballad of Lucy Jordan
Concrete Blonde - Tomorrow, Wendy

"Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness." - Allen Ginsberg

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

maybe one of these days i'll actually sleep in....

i think i got to sleep around 2 in the morning last night. i had a phantom pain wake me up at 7. on a fucking Saturday morning. i wanted to fall back asleep, but it seems anymore my brain never shuts off. apparently, my drug use as a teen didn't kill off enough brain cells. fuck.

the New York Yankees won last night in Baltimore 4-1. they are now just 1/2 game behind Boston in the division. they play again this afternoon, weather permitting. the last thing the Yankees need are more games rained out.

VICE was really good last night.

NJPW was excellent last night.

Major League Wrestling was good last night.

Real Time with Bill Maher was very good last night.

Wyatt Cenac's Problem Areas was very good last night as well.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be ROH and Patrick Melrose.

the USA men's national team plays a soccer friendly today at Ireland. this should be a bigger test for them than Bolivia was.

Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Final is tonight in Washington. i will probably watch a good portion of that.

i should probably do my laundry today as well.

i have no clue when i'll be on here tomorrow. it's not that i have plans, i'm just hoping to get some fucking good sleep for more than 3 or 4 hours.

i hope everyone has a good Saturday. take it easy and then take it again.

un hombre de verdad se come el gusano

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Buffalo Springfield - Kind Woman
Otis Redding - Chained and Bound (Live)
The Velvet Underground - Heroin (Live)
The Rolling Stones - Loving Cup
The Allman Brothers Band - Whipping Post (Live)

"It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure." - Marquis de Sade

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

when the body starts breaking down...

sometime around 8 or 9 last night, i got this pain on the bottom of my left foot. i figure it's my abnormally high arch strained after everything i did yesterday. so, it looks like another day of sitting in my chair working on my pain tolerance. joy.

i did get the birds fed and take mom to the store before we had some rain roll through yesterday. i like to get the food to the birds when i know a storm is coming. they tend to panic easily.

the New York Yankees managed to take a 4-1 lead last night and lose 11-4 to the Angels. i have no damn clue why they pitched to Mike Trout last night. it makes no fucking sense. hopefully the Yankees can get the series win this afternoon.

i didn't watch much of the NBA playoffs last night. by the time i was going to tune in, Golden State was blowing Houston out. so both conference finals are going to have a Game 7. the first one starts tonight when Cleveland is at Boston. here are your highlights from last night.

Patrick Melrose was very good last night.

The Tale was very interesting last night. it was a hard one for me to watch, given the subject matter. Laura Dern was excellent in it.

ROH was pretty good last night.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Billions, I'm Dying Up Here, Westworld, Drop the Mic and Total Bellas.

i was very happy that Real Madrid beat Liverpool 3-1 yesterday in the Champions League final. and that Gareth Bale goal will be shown forever i imagine.

i did do a little poetry work yesterday. i believe i will be sending out 13 poems before this month ends.

that's all for me kids. i hope everyone had a good Saturday. hopefully your Sunday will be even better.

cuanto más viejo me hago, aparece la muerte más atractiva

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Fiona Apple - Shadowboxer
Joe Bonamassa - I Know Where I Belong
Everlast - What It's Like
Beth Orton - Thinking About Tomorrow

"It's as much fun to scare as to be scared." - Vincent Price

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

stuff to do before the rain comes...

there's nothing quite like waking up to phantom pains in your left leg. i suppose i was dreaming of the cramp that partially tore my calf muscle and woke up feeling the pain. as soon as i stood up, the pain went away. the joy of being fucking crazy.

i want to get this blog done, feed the birds and take mom to the store before the Champions League final starts this afternoon. so, here we go...

the New York Yankees won last night 2-1 over the Angels. Gleyber Torres became the youngest Yankee ever to homer in 4 straight games. he drove in both runs last night. Aaron Judge threw 2 runners out last night. hopefully, the Yankees will win again tonight.

NJPW was very good last night.

Major League Wrestling was good last night.

Mauro Ranallo: Bipolar Rock & Roller was great last night. it was one of the best documentaries to show the effects of mental illness i have ever seen.

Wyatt Cenac's Problem Areas was very good last night.

here are your highlights from the NBA playoffs last night:

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be ROH, Patrick Melrose and The Tale.

i will probably watch some of the NBA playoffs tonight as well.

the Champions League final today is between Real Madrid and Liverpool. if there ever was a day i need CR7 to be magical, today is the day.

that's all for me today kids. i'll probably be on here tomorrow morning. i hope everyone has a great Saturday.

por favor tómalo con calma y luego tómalo de nuevo

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Talking Heads - Burning Down the House (Live)
Love and Rockets - So Alive
Terence Trent D'Arby - Sign Your Name
Depeche Mode - Blasphemous Rumours (Live)

"Do not fear mistakes. There are none." - Miles Davis

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

oh my, after more than 4 hours of sleep...

so, i was able to sleep without being violently woken up overnight. i got somewhere close to 5 hours of sleep total. now, the only problem is my left leg is swollen. and the troubling part of that, the swelling reminds of a decade ago when i had blood clots. so, i'm going to do my best today of staying off my feet. hopefully, that will help the swelling go down. if that doesn't work, i will probably be going to a doctor or a hospital tomorrow. i know if it is a blood clot, i need to catch it as soon as possible. so, if you happen to see nothing on the blog for a few days, there's a good chance that i have been admitted somewhere. good times.

i just watched team USA defeat Canada 4-1 to win the Bronze medal at the World Hockey Championships. Chris Kreider from the New York Rangers scored 2 goals for the USA.

the New York Yankees broke out the long ball last night and defeated the Royals 8-3. the Yankees hit 5 home runs in the game. hopefully they will get the series win this afternoon in Kansas City.

it looks like YouTube isn't playing along with me today, so i don't know how many videos this blog is actually going to have today.

i did watch some the Tampa Bay Lightning defeating Washington last night 3-2. that means the Lighting, or Rangers South, are 1 win away from going to the Stanley Cup Final.

i did watch some of Cleveland destroying Boston last night in the Eastern Conference Finals by 30. Boston is up in that series 2-1 now.

ROH was pretty good last night.

the season finale of Saturday Night Live was pretty fucking hilarious last night. i swear every celebrity in New York City was on the show last night.

Patrick Melrose was excellent last night.

i watched maybe the first 30 minutes of Fahrenheit 451 last night on HBO. it was good but certainly not good enough for me to stay up for.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Billions, I'm Dying Up Here, Westworld, Last Week Tonight, Drop the Mic and Total Bellas.

i will probably watch some of the NBA and NHL playoffs today as well.

i did watch Justify win the Preakness Stakes yesterday. that means there will be a chance for a Triple Crown winner this year.

that's all for me kids. i really do need to get my leg up.

i hope everyone had a good Saturday. hopefully, your Sunday will be even better.

nunca tendré miedo a morir

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Hammock - The Night You Caught on Fire / Clinging
Shooter Jennings - Fast Horses & Good Hideouts
Phantogram - Someday / Saturday
Florence + the Machine - Hunger

"Until you're ready to look foolish, you'll never have the possibility of being great." - Cher

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

how much worse can this day get

so, a few minutes before 6 AM this morning, i had the most violent cramp in my left leg in my 42 years on this planet. it honestly felt like the lower half of my left leg was leaving my body. my big toe on my left foot was sticking straight up in the air. i'm not sure why i got the cramps. i didn't drink last night. i have this big cup i drink water out of. it's 24 ounces for a full cup. i usually will drink 4 to 7 of those a day. my guess is the cramp was actually caused by diabetic nerve pain. it's been so fucking rainy the last day or so that my left leg feels like it has radiation running through it. it reminds me of when my sciatic nerve was pinched. worst fucking pain in my life. this morning was as close as i have been to that in the last 10 years.

so, since i was up, i fucking watched most of the Royal Wedding this morning. it was fine. i was simply hoping to pass the damn time until the USA played Sweden in the semi-finals of the Hockey World Championships this morning.

Sweden whipped the USA 6-0. that means the USA will be playing for a bronze medal tomorrow morning. and if the current results hold, they will be playing Canada in that game. joy. (Canada got upset by Switzerland today 3-2)

so, probably after my 5th glass of water this morning, i got ready to watch Manchester United play in the FA Cup Final. needless to say, when shit rolls downhill, eventually you come to realize it's never going to fucking stop. United pissed away chance after chance and of course were fucking horrible in the first half. Chelsea scored on a penalty kick that was deserved (fuck you Phil Jones). United played with more desperation in the second half, but that never amounted to shit.

what a fucking waste this day has turned into.

the New York Yankees lost to a shitty Royals team last night, 5-2. hopefully they will get a win tonight.

here are your highlights from the NHL playoffs last night.

VICE was very good last night.

NJPW was pretty good last night.

the main event of Major League Wrestling was great last night.

Real Time with Bill Maher was very funny last night.

Wyatt Cenac's Problem Areas was very good last night.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be the season finale of Saturday Night Live, Fahrenheit 451, ROH and Patrick Melrose.

i will probably watch some of the NHL and NBA playoffs tonight as well.

i also plan on watching the Preakness Stakes later today.

i'm currently going on just 3 1/2 hours of sleep. so i'm going to crash here soon.

i hope everyone has a better Saturday than me.

algún día esperaré el dulce alivio de la muerte

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Nine Inch Nails - God Break Down the Door
Aesop Rock - Klutz
Beach House - Drunk in LA
Guns N' Roses - Shadow of Your Love

"If you have no critics you'll likely have no success." - Malcolm X

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

happy mother's day

to all the mothers out there, Happy Mother's Day.

i think mom liked what my sister and i got her. other than her allergies screwing with her, i think this has been a pretty good Mother's Day this year.

Manchester United won this morning 1-0 over Watford. it was the final game of Michael Carrick's career. he served the club well over his 12 seasons. all that is left for United this season is to win the FA Cup against Chelsea on Saturday. if they win that, then second in the league to City is a little bit more tolerable.

the New York Yankees won 7-6 in 11 innings yesterday. they ended their little losing streak. hopefully they will start another winning streak and win another series today against Oakland. they are currently in a rain delay. joy.

Saturday Night Live was hilarious last night.

ROH was pretty good last night.

i watched the first 10 minutes of Dunkirk last night and knew i was going to fall asleep during it. so, i'm saving the rest of it for a rainy day.

Patrick Melrose was brilliant last night. i think i'm really going to enjoy this show.

here are your highlights from Winnipeg vs. Las Vegas last night:

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Billions, I'm Dying Up Here, Westworld, Silicon Valley, Barry, Last Week Tonight and Drop the Mic.

i'll probably watch some of the NHL and NBA playoffs today as well.

i hope everyone had a great Saturday. hopefully your Sunday will be even better.

feliz día de la madre

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Pearl Jam - Mother (Live)
John Lennon - Mother
Danzig - Mother

"Women want love to be a novel, men a short story." - Daphne du Maurier

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

trying to find the energy...

i was hoping to feel much better this morning. sadly, i still have a bit of a cough that is draining the life out of me. so much for doing my laundry and getting the poems out before noon today. if i have them done by the time Saturday Night Live comes on tonight, i'll be mildly surprised. if that does happen, you might actually get two blogs out of me today.

the New York Yankees pitching fucking sucked last night. they lost to Oakland 10-5. hopefully they will do better this afternoon.

here are your highlights from Game 1 between Washington and Tampa Bay last night:

NJPW was excellent last night.

Major League Wrestling was pretty good last night.

VICE was really good last night.

Real Time with Bill Maher was pretty funny last night.

Wyatt Cenac's Problem Areas was excellent last night.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Saturday Night Live, ROH, Patrick Melrose and Dunkirk.

i will probably watch some of Game 1 between Winnipeg and Las Vegas tonight as well.

i just found out my best friend has a growing mass in her left breast. this is going to be a much tougher weekend than i thought.

i need to get my laundry started and start getting these poems out.

i hope everyone has a great weekend.

Hola, depresión, ¿dónde está tu mejor botella?

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Interpol - Turn on the Bright Lights

"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist." - George Carlin

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day: