why i wouldn't mind an early death...

now, before anyone gets excited with that title or has a sense of panic come over them, i'm not dying anytime soon. but this will be a little rant about how much i can't fucking stand stupid people and why i wouldn't mind an early escape from this fucking hell.

first off, i got roughly five hours of shitty sleep last night. by the time my mother woke up this morning, it was basically almost noon. she got ready and i drove her to her bank so she could make a deposit. thankfully, their drive-thru wasn't busy at all. after that, i drove her to the craft store to pick up her order. this place was a fucking zoo. they were limiting the number of people in the store. eventually, the lady came out and brought mom's order to her. i asked my mother if their was an option to have the stuff mailed to the house. she said yes, but the pick up at the store option was free. i had to drive to the grocery store next to pick up my prescription. might have been the first time in fucking months i didn't have to wait in line at the pharmacy. i should have known this was setting me up for something. mom decided she wanted to get lunch from Hardee's. i drove there and we sat in the line for over a half hour and still managed to get the wrong food, even after i asked the guy if that was our order. i believe mom could sense my anger rising as she said we'll never go here again. i chuckled on the inside, as she said that the last time we were there as well. life can be really easy to be honest. stupid people fuck it up for everyone. this pandemic is stressing the nerves of everyone. my patience is fucking stretched so thin that murder has crossed my mind so many fucking times these days that i wonder if i should start drinking again. but as usual, i am not an animal. i do have the ability to calm the nerves, think like a poet, open my third eye and breathe. but, as i have always warned, when my ability to write all my emotions down on paper and create something resembling "art" with them disappears, i fear what i will do to this world.

here is your video for this day of National Poetry Month:

and now a couple of links to poems you should be reading:
https://rustytruck.wordpress.com/2017/12/03/between-sharing-cigarettes-and-asking-for-money-by-j-j-campbell/
https://youronephonecall.wordpress.com/2016/08/24/friday-night-in-paris-by-j-j-campbell/

the series finale of Will & Grace last night was great. this has always been one of my favorite shows ever. i remember watching it with the lesbian lover i had in the late 90's. that was the only woman i ever gave any serious thought to marrying. i thought of her while watching the show last night. thankfully, i only care to remember the good things. i'll miss the show most definitely.

Vice News Tonight had another great week of shows.

Better Things was excellent last night.

Cake was fucking absurd last night, loved it.

Desus & Mero was hilarious last night.

Total Bellas was good last night.

Shelter in Place with Shane Smith is one of those shows i wish everyone in this country would watch.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Smackdown and Real Time with Bill Maher. i'll watch 205 Live sometime tonight on WWE Network. i'll probably watch some of the NFL Draft tonight as well.

it was pretty cool to see that the first 3 picks in the NFL Draft last night were all teammates at Ohio State at one point in time. i didn't mind that the New Orleans Saints took a center last night. they need the offensive line to get younger and healthier, especially as Drew Brees gets older. the only negative about the kid is he went to Michigan.

a big thank you to everyone for checking out my latest Soundcloud recording:
https://soundcloud.com/j-j-campbell/the-crusty-old-man

i have no clue when i will be on here tomorrow. since the grass got cut today, i know it's probably going to rain tomorrow. hell, it might rain all fucking weekend. might be the weekend to find the pleasure in the pain again.

i hope everyone is good and safe. wash your fucking hands. stay healthy.

i hope everyone has a great weekend.

until tomorrow...

No me importaría una muerte temprana

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Chicano Batman - Blank Slate
Macy Gray - Stoned (Live)
Kacey Musgraves - High Time (Live)
The Right Now - Postcard / Everything Is Broken (Live)

"If we all knew we were going to live to be 150 years old, we'd all approach our lives very differently." - Eric Bogosian

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

i'm really starting to hate the fucking rain

when i used to live on the farm, raining at night would help me sleep. i'm sure the metal roof had something to do with that. now, given that i have arthritis head to fucking toe, rain at night means i can't fucking sleep worth a shit. and on these restless days, i have a tendency to let my mind drift into the ether of my past. that usually means old names from past lovers end up in Google searches for some hate myself kind of reason. one search like that today lead to a 3 page poem that might end up as my next Soundcloud recording.

and the other problem with those searches is my mind truly just fucking with me. i once wrote in a poem about a cat i had slapping a reflection of itself. that's the kind of self hatred i can admire. i am truly fucking brutal to myself. it's an endless cycle that's completely unhealthy, but i'm not exactly hoping to live forever. but, at some point before i die, i would like to be in a healthy relationship again that might even end up with the possibility of sex, who knows. to even type it, it feels like it's fucking impossible.

these are the days where i have the music, the books, the alcohol and an wicked imagination. if i was van Gogh, i'm sure i would have no ears by now. i'm supposedly blessed to have these talents. each time i hear that, the first thing that comes to my lips is FUCK YOU.

the New York Yankees flirted with perfection yesterday. Michael Pineda took a perfect game into the 7th inning. not bad to retire the first 20 batters in a row. if he could only be like that normally when he pitches. the offense opened up the game late and the Yankees won their home opener over Tampa 8-1. that's a nice way to start a homestand.

Monday Night Raw was pretty interesting last night. i was really surprised at who came over from Smackdown. i'm hoping to be just as surprised to see who goes from Raw to Smackdown tonight. it will probably take a few weeks to really see how the shows adjust to all the changes. i do love Bray Wyatt on Monday Night Raw though. i would love to see him against Finn Balor one day, especially when Finn is the "Demon". that has amazing written all over it.

A Goodbye to Girls was pretty good last night. i'm very interested to see how the series is going to end on Sunday.

The Voice was really good last night. i think i have my favorite performance of the season now.

the live episodes will finally start on Monday.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Vice News Tonight, The Voice, Deadliest Catch and Smackdown. i'll watch 205 Live on WWE Network sometime tonight.

the NHL playoffs start tomorrow. i'm all ready to not shave again until June. hopefully the New York Rangers have a long run in them this year.

the trash is all picked up and i believe i'm ready to go spend some quality time in the massage chair.

i have no clue when i'll be on here tomorrow. i'm guessing late afternoon.

be well. be creative. be cool.  be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears - Bitch, I Love You
The Right Now - Half as Much
Guided by Voices - As We Go up We go Down
Bruce Springsteen - Tougher Than the Rest (Live)

"Writing is the only way I know to demand justice from an uncaring universe." - Dorothy Allison

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

hurry up and wait

today was one of those days that frustrate the living shit out of me. for most people, it's called life. but, for me, it's simply another twist of the screw that's driving me insane. mostly, it's a matter of i like to get shit done in a prompt and direct kind of way and the rest of the world likes to takes its fucking time. and with it looking more likely that i'm going to be moving into suburbia here soon, as you might imagine, insanity is going to become a close friend.

i do believe there is an agreement in principle over the new house. i don't know all the particulars, but my mother seems to be happy. and honestly, that's good enough for me. i'm a writer, so i expect to be fucked in this deal somehow, mostly because i need something to write about.

i had to take mom to the store today. today became the evening pretty quickly. she is walking better, which makes me very happy. as i told her, she's trending in the right direction. we got a ton of food at the store as eating out is going to become a luxury very soon. so, looks like i'm going to be making my killer chili this weekend. and given this fucking weather, it's going to be needed. it almost made it out of the 30's today. lovely.

the New York Rangers shocked the shit out of me last night and whipped the Penguins 5-0. it was a glorious sight to see, especially considering my buddy Paul is a Penguins fan. i didn't call to rub it in, but i'll certainly mention it the next time he calls. of course, these teams meet again over the weekend. so i might keep the trash talk to myself. the Rangers play again tomorrow. here is the second of the 3 first period goals scored last night by the Rangers.

and the game recap:

The Voice was good last night but certainly not great. i'll be curious to see who is going home tonight.

The Concert For Valor was excellent. i love how people were outraged that some people actually fucking curse when on HBO. welcome to the real world you clueless assholes.

other than The Voice tonight, i plan on watching Lucha Underground and American Horror Story. that should be a fun evening.

i suppose i need to start figuring out what i'm going to try to sell as i certainly need to downsize before we move. if anyone knows anyone that might be interested in 40,000 baseball cards, send me an email.

that's all for me today. i'll hopefully be on here earlier tomorrow. thanks again for allowing me to waste a few minutes of your precious time.

stay warm.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Walk The Moon - Shut Up and Dance
The Crystal Method - Busy Child
The Right Now - Half As Much
Gary Jules - Mad World
Grace Potter - I Shall Be Released (Live)

"Pain is real when you get other people to believe in it. If no one believes in it but you, your pain is madness or hysteria." - Naomi Wolf

burning the candle at both ends my friends

before i wonder you with my sometime ability to never sleep, here are a couple of links for your national poetry month goodies:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/zola-books-/7-poetry-collections-for-_b_5087015.html

http://wlrn.org/post/miserable-road-poetry-i-95

well, as i warned all of you yesterday, if i managed to stay up all night this post was going to be a lengthy fucker. buckle up kids.

WrestleMania was really good last night. a few things really stood out. first off, the opening was amazing. to have The Rock, Stone Cold, and Hulk Hogan all in the ring at the same time was fucking awesome. then, the HHH vs. Daniel Bryan match was some of the best storytelling in years. a great match. the next thing that stood out was Cesaro picking up The Big Show and slamming him with ease over the top rope to win the battle royal. that was a true HOLY SHIT moment. i didn't exactly care for the way the Cena vs. Bray Wyatt match was booked. Cena should have lost. that would have been much more interesting. and hats off to Bray for carrying that prick the entire match. the Divas match was a yawn fest. i think i am still stunned that the Undertaker actually lost. it was the first i ever remember him actually looking his age. but, from everything i have read, it was his call to have Brock Lesnar end the streak. the views from the crowd were amazing. they were just as shocked as i was. the final match between Daniel Bryan, Randy Orton, and Batista was pretty damn good. and it ended the way it should have. with Daniel Bryan finally getting his moment in the sun. not bad for a guy i once saw wrestle in front of 30 people or so. i'm not sure i can convince my mother it was worth the money, but i did enjoy it.

as for the Sunday night shows, i was pretty damn pleased. Shameless is always good for a memorable season finale. last night was no difference. and the very end of the episode got me really excited for next season. one of the best shows around. House of Lies once again takes itself so seriously that it is painfully funny. that finale was ok, but i am truly not invested in the show. Veep has always been able to make me laugh. one, i enjoy politics. two, that cast is a fucking riot. and i did watch Silicon Valley. i believe they have another winner. that show is so damn funny. i called my sister today to tell her to put it on her DVR. with all the tech talk and cocky programmers, etc., it is truly right up my sister's alley given her occupation.

after getting done with all that, i did the dishes and re-watched a good portion of WrestleMania again. i might have got to bed around 4 in the morning.

then, up around 7:30 as my back was killing me. i looked out the window and saw the clouds. fuck, more rain. and that is what it has done for most of the day. just fucking rain.

thankfully, the New York Yankees had their home opener today to keep my mind off of the weather. the Yankees won 4-2. good pitching, some timely hitting, all in all, i can't complain. hopefully when the weather warms up this team will have some power. of course, it could be 1996 all over again. i wouldn't mind that either. another day game tomorrow against the Orioles. hopefully, another afternoon with a victory beer.

after i get done typing this drivel, i'm planning on hoping in the shower and get my youthful weekend off of me.

tonight, it's the usual battle between The Voice and Monday Night Raw. plus, the national championship game in college basketball. Raw will get most of my attention, mostly because the t-shirts i ordered from the WWE came today and i feel like i need to be truly more invested in it. i will sneak plenty of looks at The Voice, as music will always be my mistress. as for the basketball game, i might watch if it stays close near the end. i don't have money on the game and i didn't pick either of these teams in my brackets, so i'm just a passive observer this evening. i might also take a peek at some hockey games. the Rangers can clinch a playoff berth tonight if the Devils lose. plus, i have entered the panic stage in my fantasy hockey finals. so, i'm making drastic decisions in hopes that i can turn this around quickly. hard to believe this is the last week of the season.

that's all for me kids. i'm sure sometime tonight i'll be snoring in the chair, father time finally catching up on me. until then, let the show keep on rolling. hope this finds everyone well. hopefully the weather is better in your neck of the woods than this dreary shit i have going on here at the farm.

until tomorrow, hopefully after another Yankees win...

peace and chicken grease bitches...

music:

Stereophonics w/Tom Jones - Mama Told Me Not To Come
The Right Now - Half As Much
Black Sabbath - Heaven and Hell
Matthew Sweet - The Ugly Truth (Live & Acoustic)
Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees (Live)
The Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight

"Faith is a passionate intuition." - William Wordsworth

so close to a perfect day

got 3 poems accepted for publication

the Yankees beat the shit out of the Red Sox to win the division and the best record in the American League.

on the bad side, Manchester City gets a 90 minute pk from Balotelli to salvage a point in Champions League play.

so damn close to a perfect day.

i did type up the one poem i had sitting around. got a few places in mind i will be sending to in a week or so.

music today:

The Right Now - Half As Much (Free MP3 Single)
Van Morrison - Moondance
Guided By Voices - The Grand Hour
Humble Wolf - Paper Thin (found this gem on NoiseTrade.com for FREE)

"The first mistake of art is to assume that it's serious." - Lester Bangs