i'm really starting to hate the fucking rain

when i used to live on the farm, raining at night would help me sleep. i'm sure the metal roof had something to do with that. now, given that i have arthritis head to fucking toe, rain at night means i can't fucking sleep worth a shit. and on these restless days, i have a tendency to let my mind drift into the ether of my past. that usually means old names from past lovers end up in Google searches for some hate myself kind of reason. one search like that today lead to a 3 page poem that might end up as my next Soundcloud recording.

and the other problem with those searches is my mind truly just fucking with me. i once wrote in a poem about a cat i had slapping a reflection of itself. that's the kind of self hatred i can admire. i am truly fucking brutal to myself. it's an endless cycle that's completely unhealthy, but i'm not exactly hoping to live forever. but, at some point before i die, i would like to be in a healthy relationship again that might even end up with the possibility of sex, who knows. to even type it, it feels like it's fucking impossible.

these are the days where i have the music, the books, the alcohol and an wicked imagination. if i was van Gogh, i'm sure i would have no ears by now. i'm supposedly blessed to have these talents. each time i hear that, the first thing that comes to my lips is FUCK YOU.

the New York Yankees flirted with perfection yesterday. Michael Pineda took a perfect game into the 7th inning. not bad to retire the first 20 batters in a row. if he could only be like that normally when he pitches. the offense opened up the game late and the Yankees won their home opener over Tampa 8-1. that's a nice way to start a homestand.

Monday Night Raw was pretty interesting last night. i was really surprised at who came over from Smackdown. i'm hoping to be just as surprised to see who goes from Raw to Smackdown tonight. it will probably take a few weeks to really see how the shows adjust to all the changes. i do love Bray Wyatt on Monday Night Raw though. i would love to see him against Finn Balor one day, especially when Finn is the "Demon". that has amazing written all over it.

A Goodbye to Girls was pretty good last night. i'm very interested to see how the series is going to end on Sunday.

The Voice was really good last night. i think i have my favorite performance of the season now.

the live episodes will finally start on Monday.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Vice News Tonight, The Voice, Deadliest Catch and Smackdown. i'll watch 205 Live on WWE Network sometime tonight.

the NHL playoffs start tomorrow. i'm all ready to not shave again until June. hopefully the New York Rangers have a long run in them this year.

the trash is all picked up and i believe i'm ready to go spend some quality time in the massage chair.

i have no clue when i'll be on here tomorrow. i'm guessing late afternoon.

be well. be creative. be cool.  be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears - Bitch, I Love You
The Right Now - Half as Much
Guided by Voices - As We Go up We go Down
Bruce Springsteen - Tougher Than the Rest (Live)

"Writing is the only way I know to demand justice from an uncaring universe." - Dorothy Allison

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day: