my mom asked me last night if i thought she was going to die before spring? how the fuck do i answer that? i replied to her, what do you want to hear? i know why she is depressed. it is coming up on the 23rd anniversary of her second husband's death. she has never stopped grieving that. i never expect her to as i know there is no time table for the grieving process. i also know she is in pain and nothing is working to help her really. what pisses me off is she won't ask for help until she absolutely needs it. and then, will get mad at me for helping her because apparently i don't do it the way she wants me to. i'm trying to keep my cool and remain calm, but i know how i have no patience for this kind of shit. this is where i have to just give her as much space as possible and hope she comes to her fucking senses at some point and just lets me do this shit. it is painfully obvious that this world has past her by now.
here are your links for this day of Black History Month:
between my arthritis, bad back and every other fucking thing under the sun failing me, life isn't exactly enjoyable these days. and i am trying my best to relax, take deep breaths, settle my mind in a positive place, but that is like swimming upstream in a river of shit. when the writing isn't going well, i often compare it to squeezing water out of a rock. i'm not sure what i'll do if that becomes actually my life.
and with all that in mind, i did write 5 poems yesterday while mom was in her physical therapy session. so, at least the physical pain hasn't touched my brain yet. i typed the poems up when we got back home. i think they are pretty good. i have a couple places in mind to send them to in the next week or so.
the New York Yankees won last night at home against Oakland, 7-2. hopefully, they will win again tonight.
the New York Knicks lost last night at Miami, 109-101. Miami is now up 3-1 in the series.
here are your highlights from the NBA playoffs last night.
here are your highlights from the NHL playoffs last night.
The Voice was excellent last night. the live shows start next week.
That's My Jam was hilarious last night. the season finale is next week.
Monday Night Raw was very good last night.
enjoy some music:
and now some of this and that:
on the DVR tonight will be NXT and Deadliest Catch.
i'm sure i will watch some of the NBA and NHL playoffs tonight.
i did get a good nap today watching the Champions League.
i should be on here tomorrow after i get the grocery shopping done.
a big thank you to everyone for checking out my latest published poems:
i love falling asleep at 3 in the morning and the first time i see the clock, it is 5:15 AM. then it is a struggle and a half to fall back asleep. i swear, the best sleep i get is when i tell myself i just need a 15 minute power nap and that lasts for 90 minutes. if i could only convince myself to do that all the time.
here are your videos for this day of National Poetry Month:
the New York Rangers won last night at home against Tampa Bay, 6-3. they play tonight on the road at Saint Louis.
the New York Knicks won last night at Indiana, 138-129.
here are your NBA highlights from last night:
AEW Dynamite was really good last night.
AEW All Access was good last night.
The Masked Singer was crazy as usual last night.
Snowfall was excellent last night. just two episodes left before the series will be over.
enjoy some music:
and now some of this and that:
on the DVR tonight will be Vice News Tonight and NJPW.
mom just informed me she's not going to physical therapy today. so, i guess when i get done with this i get to start working on her taxes. joy.
a big thank you to everyone for checking out my latest published poem:
we're supposed to get anywhere from 4 to 7 inches. yes, i thought of the same sex joke you just did. i'm waiting for the mail to come before i go out to get the paper. i'm only planning on going out once in this shit.
i'm not a big fan of the snow, although it's better than a damn ice storm.
NJPW was excellent last night.
enjoy some music:
and now some of this and that:
on the DVR tonight will be ROH.
the New York Rangers play this afternoon at the Islanders. i'm sure the Rangers will lose again. Lose For Hughes boys.
NXT UK Takeover Blackpool is this afternoon. i am really looking forward to see what happens in their first Takeover event.
the NFL playoffs start back up today. the Colts are at the Chiefs and the Cowboys play at the Rams this evening. i will probably watch a good portion of both those games.
other than that, i plan on enjoying the chili i made this morning and watching the fucking snow.
i heard back from Nine Muses Poetry this morning on my recent poetry submission. they decided to pass. oh well.
i will be on here early tomorrow as tomorrow will be a complete clusterfuck.
i hope everyone enjoys their Saturday. if you have snow, be safe and enjoy it.
¿Por qué me molesto con el amor?
be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.
peace and chicken grease...
music:
Dirty Heads - That's All I Need
Ivan Neville - Why Can't I Fall in Love
My Best Fiend - On the Shores of the Infinite
Hammock - Snowburn
"You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club." - Jack London
and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:
so, there's a part of me that is happy. happy with the misery in my life, because that is where all the good poems come from anymore. the majority of me is truly fucking depressed. when the muse, and that's the last fucking time i will ever call her that, told me yesterday that she would never respond to any of my messages again... that was a punch to my fucking soul. to have your best friend, the woman you talked just two weeks ago about marriage and kids with, to more or less stab you in the heart was a fucking death blow to me. and now, here's where i blow up her spot a bit. she likes to think of herself as a dominatrix. we had amazing, and amazing isn't strong enough of a word, chemistry when it came to phone sex. but, i get the feeling she thought i was a submissive person in real life as well. i'm not, i just have a rather peculiar imagination at times. i believe this is why she has burned nearly every fucking bridge in her life... she has to have servants around her at all times. not people taking care of her, but loyal subjects that will jump at the snap of a finger. she sadly takes this role into her real life as well. and imagine being in a very professional setting, say at a credit card company, and still having this mindset. now, i have no clue what crime or crimes she is accused of. at this point, since she didn't think enough of me to actually clue the one she said she loved in on it, i couldn't give two shits. so, in a since, i am back at square one. i have no best friend. i have no future plans of marriage. i have no muse. these things will either change or they won't. but, now i have two women that are mortal enemies and i will gladly enjoy all of my future success to spite them. it honestly did feel a little weird going to sleep last night without telling someone goodnight and you loved them. and it is in those quiet moments where the horror of your life comes into a clear view. loneliness is the only companion that hasn't fucked you over. in 42 years, it's the only one that pours a drink and understands that death is the only outcome that will suit everyone involved. and it's in the darkness where the light comes to die. and please, don't take this as a threat or a promise or my thoughts for the next few days. i'm simply beating the apathy out of me. driving a stake through the blackened heart and sampling the blood. pissing on the last part of the soon to be dead romantic in me and laughing at the misery. i'm sure i am close to snapping at this point. but the breakdown will be on the pages. and i can easily imagine a notebook being filled soon.
so my final words to her came around 3 in the afternoon yesterday. when i think of all the time i have wasted, pouring my soul out to her and having it shit on as my reward, my final words should have come to her about 15 years ago. and there will always be that voice in the back of my head, reminding me i don't get to have a happy ending. that the love i always dreamed about died when i was molested as a child. that is where the living part of life gets really fucking hard. but, when you realize no one fucking cares, it makes it easier to know suicide is not the solution i'm looking for.
when i find that fucking solution, i'll clue everyone in on it. the wild ride needs a few new passengers, at least for the shits and giggles along the way.
now back to your regularly scheduled programming...
so when Manchester United got down 2-0 yesterday, i wasn't surprised. the fact they made it 2-2 at halftime wasn't surprising either. sadly, neither was the fact that the game at Southampton ended 2-2. more fucking points dropped. great.
i did watch a ton of college football yesterday. the Alabama vs. Georgia game was easily the best game of the day. with Alabama and Oklahoma winning yesterday, i don't think Ohio Sate will make the playoffs this season. but, other than them playing down to their competition yet again last night, i did enjoy Ohio State winning another Big Ten championship.
the New York Rangers lost in Montreal last night, 5-2. they play this afternoon at home against Winnipeg. before the game, Vic Hadfield will have his number retired. sadly, that will probably be the best part of the game today.
Saturday Night Live was pretty good last night.
ROH was very good last night.
enjoy some music:
and now some of this and that:
on the DVR tonight will be Camping, Ray Donovan, Escape at Dannemora and Enemies: The President, Justice & the FBI.
since my football team isn't playing today, i might try to get some yard work done. we ended up with 2.3 inches of rain yesterday. that was in front of a warm front. it only got down to around 50 last night. the high today is supposed to be around 60. you know, typical weather for December 2nd.
i took mom out shopping yesterday. she wanted to go to the local drug store and grocery store to get a few things. i'm pretty sure she found what she was looking for.
i have no clue when i'll be on here tomorrow. it will probably be between loads of laundry.
i hope everyone had a better Saturday than i did. i hope your Sunday is even better.
La miseria es de donde vienen los mejores poemas.
be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.
peace and chicken grease...
music:
David Bowie - Modern Love
Lucero - Goodbye Again
Daniel Johnston - Some Things Last a Long Time
Ivan Neville - Why Can't I Fall in Love
"Character is that sum total of moments we can't explain." - George Saunders
and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:
i couldn't find a comfortable spot in my bed to fall asleep until around 4 in the morning. just imagine my joy when the phone rang before 9 AM. so much for catching up on some sleep.
we got around 3 inches of snow. it was a really wet snow that has melted a little by this afternoon. i didn't think we got a newspaper this morning. turns out the fucker was buried in the snow. hopefully the rest will melt by tomorrow afternoon.
Smackdown was really good last night. Daniel Bryan being back is truly fucking awesome. the end of the show and the violence between Kevin, Sami and Daniel has me dreaming of the match those 3 could have at WrestleMania.
205 Live was excellent last night. i can't wait for the title match at WrestleMania between Cedric Alexander and Mustafa Ali. that should be great.
Baskets was hilarious last night. the season finale is next week.
Hate Thy Neighbor was very good last night.
The Voice was very good last night.
The Chris Gethard Show was fucking insane last night. i love that it is back on the air.
the New York Rangers lost to Columbus last night 5-3. it was a good loss as a good number of bad teams won last night. i need the Rangers to be in line for pick number 7 or better in the draft.
enjoy some music:
and now some of this and that:
on the DVR tonight will be Vice News Tonight and the season finale of The X-Files. i'll watch NXT sometime tonight on WWE Network.
i'm going to try to be on here early tomorrow as mom has a physical therapy appointment in the afternoon. and since we will be south of town and the Toys R Us going out of business sale starts tomorrow... i believe after her therapy we're going to make a stop there before we come home. and i'm sure we'll probably get a late lunch down there as well.
i do hope that the weather was better wherever you may be. of course, if you're on the East coast of the USA, i hope you have a shovel ready.
solo tenemos dos temporadas ahora, caliente y fría
be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.
peace and chicken grease...
music:
Antony - If It Be Your Will
Tom Jones - You Can Leave Your Hat On
PJ Harvey - Down by the Water
Maria McKee - If Love Is a Red Dress (Hang Me in Rags)
Ivan Neville - Why Can't I Fall in Love
"Music is moonlight in the gloomy night of life." - Jean Paul
and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:
