and then the whispers become a scream...

 the quiet moments, sitting alone, in front of a computer, wondering what to type, wondering who even bothers to read this shit anymore, it eventually becomes this scream in the back of your head. and we all know that you can't muffle it, you can't change into lyrics or some heavy metal riff from your youth. that scream becomes the soundtrack to the rest of your life. that uneasy knowledge that you aren't better than this. that every fucker that has put you down or dragged you through the proverbial mud, or stole from you over the years... they were right. these are the moments i think about when i was 8 years old and first thought of suicide. it was also the year i realized i was molested at the age of 4 by a female cousin. also the age i started masturbating to Pam Grier movies. there's the glorious backstory on how to become a poet boys and girls. add in a love of cheap whiskey, 10 years of smoking 2 packs a day and an endless array of how to creatively use the word fuck. 

this is what happens when the afternoon gets so humid you sit at the computer and dream of your death. all i could picture was a dog taking a piss on my headstone. better than my usual dream of my ashes being flushed in a truck stop in northern Ohio. good times.

so, the Yankees played one of the craziest games i ever saw last night. they blew the lead 4 different times in the game, but defeated the Royals, 8-6 in 11 innings. hopefully, they will win again tonight.

Monday Night Raw was good last night, but could have been way better.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Vice News Tonight, NXT, Deadliest Catch and Hard Knocks.

so, mom called her physical therapist last night and got her to change her visit to the house to later this week. 

we made it to the podiatrist in plenty of time. she had some paperwork to fill out. at least this one is way closer to the house than the last one was. i thought the office had a good vibe and everyone was really nice. i think mom felt much better when she was done. i got her a frozen Coke on the way home. 

i need to pick up the trash and get that out to the curb.

i should be on here tomorrow after i get the grocery shopping done. now, with the Yankees playing in the afternoon tomorrow, there is always the chance i get the blog done in the morning. who knows.

until tomorrow kids...

fight the power.

fuck racism.

fuck hatred.

fuck the police.

black lives matter.

stay healthy.

wash your fucking hands.

stay socially distant.

get the shot.

Estos son los días en los que el futuro no se encuentra por ningún lado

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Local H - Bound For The Floor

The Righteous Brothers - You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'

The Revivalists - To Love Somebody

Pearl Jam - Last Kiss

Tycho & Benjamin Gibbard - Only Love

"Most men are not that evolved." - Rosanna Arquette

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day: