the back side of the circle

these are the days, rejecting fantasy football trades and hustling on the internet to make pennies, where you sadly realize it's all meaningless. the love. the hate. the talent, the passion. the desire to be something greater. all of it, a fucking waste. eventually, we all get to the back side of the circle. that part of life where we regress. we start off in diapers, we end in diapers. many people aren't comfortable with death. many people avoid the talk, fear gripping them until it's too late. i am not one of those people. and in these quiet moments alone, i know i am on the back side of my circle. death will greet me one day soon and i will embrace it like an old friend. a wise old man told me years ago to always leave them wanting more. i always surmised i would die the moment i found real happiness in my life. sadly, neither of those things will happen. i'd like to die in my bed next to a beautiful woman. and unless i shell out the money, that's not happening anytime soon either. so the journey continues. one sad boring fucking day after another. imagine the strength to continue on when you know no one gives a shit about any of it.

there's a little glimpse of a conversation i had with myself this afternoon while making lunch. most people believe i should be on medication by now. i wholeheartedly disagree. embrace the madness. accept the pain. as i told my mother yesterday, as she wondered why i am still so damn smart after years of marijuana and LSD, i didn't take drugs to get high, i took drugs to expand my brain. and i'm not interested in anything meant to control or alter this beautiful monster i have created. sure, i will die an untimely death well before my time, but so be it. it's not like there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. the prom queen won't suddenly think oh, there he is, the one i have missed for so many years. losers are the glue of society. my ego won't allow me to believe that i'm part of that group, but who the fuck am i trying to fool?

the New York Yankees broke out the whooping stick yesterday and then held the fuck on as their manager managed like it was the 7th game of the World Series. of course, when a 12-1 lead is suddenly 13-8, and you are in that little league ballpark named Fenway, it happens. thankfully, the Yankees won. of course, so did Toronto. the Yankees are still 1 1/2 games back in the division. they are off today and start a series at home with Tampa tomorrow.

Big Brother was pretty good last night. i'm pretty sure Meg will get evicted tonight. and then i expect all hell to break loose with the surprise second eviction. i'd love to see Vanessa go. that would make the game wide open from there. if she doesn't, then it's her game to lose.

NXT was pretty good last night, especially when i see two of my favorite indie stars on the screen:

overall, i think this tournament should be excellent.

so while we're on this weird trip, let's enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Big Brother, Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll and Married.

i'm not sure if mom wants to go out shopping this afternoon or not. hopefully we don't as it is hotter than fuck at the moment. but if we do, i'm sure i'll have some lunacy or heat induced public shitting to talk about tomorrow.

hope this finds everyone wondering what the fuck they just read, what planet are they on and do you have anymore of that good shit?

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

M83 - Midnight City
Slayer - Seasons in the Abyss
Marilyn Manson - The Beautiful People
Da Lench Mob - Guerillas in tha Mist
Black Sabbath - Heaven And Hell

"Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them." - Charlie Sheen

and your pro wrestling video of the day:

a productive day

i got a line stuck in my head last night that i absolutely loved but had to get down on paper as quickly as i could. around 3 in the morning, i kept repeating the line and then a story came out. i wrote it down and it became my first 2 page poem in god knows when. i really, really LOVE this poem. i have no clue where i'm going to try to get it published since it is so long, but i will hopefully get that done before the end of the year. if not, maybe i make up a broadsheet or something and try to sell the fucker around. or a Christmas gift. who knows.

i had to get gas for my truck and the lawn tractor today. of course, i had to put air in my front tires before i could go do that. nothing quite like the joy of sweating your ass off while trying not to fuck up your back putting air in the tires. now, hopefully i will get a chance to mow the farm before it fucking rains again out here. the grass hasn't grown at all, but the weeds are fucking impressive looking right now.

mom had a long doctor's appointment today. she told me what the doctor told her and i'm not really happy about it. let's just say i really hope her disability insurance doesn't try to fuck around with this shit.

the Yankees played like absolute shit last night. you know the season is over when they can't beat last place teams. lost 9-4 to the shitty Red Sox. they play again tonight. i almost could give a shit.

i got home from getting gas today just in time to see the goal the USA scored to beat the Czech Republic for the first time ever today. what i really loved was just how young the team was. many were making their first appearance for the USA. winning 1-0 in Europe is always a good thing, no matter who they play. i really like the direction this team is going in for 2018.

tonight on television i will be watching Caleb be a complete pussy on Big Brother. and hopefully another outstanding episode of The Bridge.

after watching Inside the NFL and Hard Knocks last night, i'm really ready for the season to start. my two fantasy teams are in order. hopefully, i get off to a good start.

that's pretty much all for me today. thank you for allowing me to waste a few minutes of your precious time.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease my enemies...

music:

Tom Waits - Mule Variations
Fine Young Cannibals - The Raw & The Cooked
FKA Twigs - LP1

"You either love or you hate. You live in the middle, you get nothing." - Charlie Sheen