the back side of the circle

these are the days, rejecting fantasy football trades and hustling on the internet to make pennies, where you sadly realize it's all meaningless. the love. the hate. the talent, the passion. the desire to be something greater. all of it, a fucking waste. eventually, we all get to the back side of the circle. that part of life where we regress. we start off in diapers, we end in diapers. many people aren't comfortable with death. many people avoid the talk, fear gripping them until it's too late. i am not one of those people. and in these quiet moments alone, i know i am on the back side of my circle. death will greet me one day soon and i will embrace it like an old friend. a wise old man told me years ago to always leave them wanting more. i always surmised i would die the moment i found real happiness in my life. sadly, neither of those things will happen. i'd like to die in my bed next to a beautiful woman. and unless i shell out the money, that's not happening anytime soon either. so the journey continues. one sad boring fucking day after another. imagine the strength to continue on when you know no one gives a shit about any of it.

there's a little glimpse of a conversation i had with myself this afternoon while making lunch. most people believe i should be on medication by now. i wholeheartedly disagree. embrace the madness. accept the pain. as i told my mother yesterday, as she wondered why i am still so damn smart after years of marijuana and LSD, i didn't take drugs to get high, i took drugs to expand my brain. and i'm not interested in anything meant to control or alter this beautiful monster i have created. sure, i will die an untimely death well before my time, but so be it. it's not like there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. the prom queen won't suddenly think oh, there he is, the one i have missed for so many years. losers are the glue of society. my ego won't allow me to believe that i'm part of that group, but who the fuck am i trying to fool?

the New York Yankees broke out the whooping stick yesterday and then held the fuck on as their manager managed like it was the 7th game of the World Series. of course, when a 12-1 lead is suddenly 13-8, and you are in that little league ballpark named Fenway, it happens. thankfully, the Yankees won. of course, so did Toronto. the Yankees are still 1 1/2 games back in the division. they are off today and start a series at home with Tampa tomorrow.

Big Brother was pretty good last night. i'm pretty sure Meg will get evicted tonight. and then i expect all hell to break loose with the surprise second eviction. i'd love to see Vanessa go. that would make the game wide open from there. if she doesn't, then it's her game to lose.

NXT was pretty good last night, especially when i see two of my favorite indie stars on the screen:

overall, i think this tournament should be excellent.

so while we're on this weird trip, let's enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Big Brother, Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll and Married.

i'm not sure if mom wants to go out shopping this afternoon or not. hopefully we don't as it is hotter than fuck at the moment. but if we do, i'm sure i'll have some lunacy or heat induced public shitting to talk about tomorrow.

hope this finds everyone wondering what the fuck they just read, what planet are they on and do you have anymore of that good shit?

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

M83 - Midnight City
Slayer - Seasons in the Abyss
Marilyn Manson - The Beautiful People
Da Lench Mob - Guerillas in tha Mist
Black Sabbath - Heaven And Hell

"Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them." - Charlie Sheen

and your pro wrestling video of the day: