getting closer to snuffing out my will to live

today was one of those mornings where you realize you should have just gone with alcohol instead of coffee. my best friend decided this was the morning she was going to tempt herself with suicide and of course blame it all on me. since i'm not the kind of friend that sugar coats shit or constantly tells someone what they want to hear, in her words, i am literally fucking killing her. i never knew my words were more deadly than cancer. the asshole in me smiles. i have no clue how long she will stay off that ledge, but i did tell her neither one of us are naive enough to believe suicide is impossible for either of us. fuck, i've attempted it 3 fucking times in my life. all it taught me is i haven't snuffed out my will to live completely yet. if there ever is a 4th time, i'm sure i will be at the point where i will be successful. as for my friend, she has asked me to change who i am so we can continue to talk. my solution to this problem is silence. that is the change she will get. just as she can't believe i think she should be able to move on from ex after so many years, i can't believe she wants me to change after i have been the same damn friend to her for the last 20 years. a little advice, when the crazy people in your life are going through some terminal type shit, swallow your pride as much as you can and eat a little healthier so you can outlive the fucker.

mom's doctor's appointment went very well today. everything with her hip looks good and she doesn't need to go back unless something goes wrong in the future. of course, that's the closest of all her appointments she has. but, at least that's one out of the way.

here is your World Cup update:
from the last time i posted, a ton of shit has happened. Croatia defeated Iceland yesterday 2-1. Argentina got a goal very late from Marcos Rojo (Manchester United) to defeat Nigeria 2-1. this morning, Sweden shocked Mexico 3-0 to win Group F. South Korea shocked Germany 2-0 to eliminate Germany. this is the first time i can ever remember Germany not making it out of the group stage. this afternoon, Brazil defeated Serbia 2-0. Switzerland and Costa Rica played to a 2-2 draw. tomorrow, Senegal plays Colombia, Japan takes on Poland, Panama plays Tunisia and England takes on Belgium. tomorrow is the last day for the group stage.

the New York Yankees won yesterday at Philadelphia 6-0. they will go for the sweep tonight.

Smackdown was really good last night. i got a big smile on my face at the end of the show with Team Hell No reuniting.

205 Live was excellent last night.

day 2 of the WWE UK special was really good.

Deadliest Catch was really good last night.

The Jim Jefferies Show was very good last night.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Vice News Tonight, Big Brother and Lucha Underground. i'll watch NXT sometime tonight on WWE Network.

my arthritis has been killing me for most of today. i knew it was really bad when i could barely hold my turkey burger when i was at lunch today with my mother. i ended up eating most of it with a fucking fork. 42 going 80. what a joy.

i'll be sure to post a link on the blog when my chapbook comes out in the first week of July. i really hope everyone likes it as much as i do.

that's all for me today kids. if i turn to the bottle tonight, i have no clue when/if you will hear from me tomorrow.

creo que ella me quiere llorar a su muerte. i muy probablemente se sentirá adormecida en su lugar.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

The Black Crowes - She Talks To Angels

Jackson 5 - Who's Lovin' You

Tom Waits - House Where Nobody Lives

Levon Helm - Wide River to Cross

Jason Isbell & the 400 Unit - Goddamn Lonely Love (Live)

"Pain always produces logic, which is very bad for you." - Frank O'Hara

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day: