one of those days where i wish i would have killed myself years ago...

i'm 43 years old. i first thought of suicide at age 8. now imagine 35 years of wondering about what if... i absolutely fucking hate having my time wasted. getting to a doctor's appointment early and having to wait and then wait some more and then wait even longer to be told, hey, just keep on doing what you're doing and if you still feel good in 2 months, you don't have to worry about a follow up. and then go to the grocery store, for the second time in the same day, to pick up a prescription that wasn't ready when you were doing your grocery shopping... there's another 30 minutes of my life i won't get back. a line 10 deep because the store only has two people working the registers in the pharmacy. brilliant. ah, that's right, if they work more than 29 hours, they get health insurance... i remember now. the kicker to today was i had to take off my ear rings for the new x-rays. i was having problems with the one in my right ear (i switched to posts as my hoops died after 20 years) and sure enough, the post was up in the hole. i couldn't get it and it freaked the nurse out so much she thought she was going to puke. thankfully, mom was able to get it out when i got home. hopefully, Santa brings some new fucking ear rings this year.

and yet another bitch of mine, i figured out why i have to ask for a refill every month on my gabapentin. apparently, the state of Ohio doesn't allow any refills on it because most meth abusers are on it as well. so, apparently, i need to get to cooking in the backyard i guess. my A1C is now 7.7, which is basically i should be losing a body part now. the APRN finally realized i need to be put back on the drug i was taken off of, like i had been asking her for six months now. nice to know i have to drive myself to near death to get my way. so, hopefully soon my A1C will get back to "normal" numbers.

fuck, i am so fucking tired of this shit anymore. i did go to the bank again today as my health care provider sent me back the payment i sent in twice. i just love when they send me a bill online and then send me a bill in the mail two weeks later, fucking assholes.

as you might imagine, i'm in a pissy mood.

NXT UK was pretty good last night.

i watched a ton of basketball and hockey last night. i was hoping to get some decent sleep, but of course, that never fucking happens. i had some weird ass dreams about lovers from my past that made no fucking sense at all. joy.

i did manage to get all the grocery shopping done before 1 PM today.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Smackdown. i'll watch 205 Live sometime tonight on WWE Network. i believe 205 Live for the next two weeks are going to be best of shows.

the New York Rangers are playing tonight at home against Toronto. it's currently 2-2 in the first period. hopefully, the Rangers will find a way to win tonight. i need some fucking alcohol.

mom wants to go out shopping tomorrow morning, so i should be on here after that. i know at some point tomorrow, i need to start wrapping gifts. i wrap all the gifts in newspaper, that way all of it can be fucking recycled afterwards.

i hope everyone has a great weekend. best of luck with your last minute shopping.

until tomorrow kids...

hay días simplemente detesto todo el puto mundo

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross - LIFE ON MARS?
Noah Wotherspoon Band - Troubled
Bettye LaVette - Somebody Pick Up My Pieces
Levon Helm - Wide River to Cross

"Being spokesman for a generation is the worst job I ever had." - Billy Bragg

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:

tricking the brain into not realizing it should hurt...

it started to rain last night i think. when it did, i was busy destroying my brain by doing as many things as possible at the moment. i was watching wrestling, and porn, and going through poems to send out today. i'd like to think of that as a kind of dirtbag renaissance man, especially since i was also drinking at the time. by the time i fell asleep, my body didn't know it was supposed to be in pain from the rain coming down. of course, waking up this morning and the pain was fucking horrible. this is when i wish i was like a normal person and the rain would actually help me sleep better.

so yeah, i sent out 21 poems today. 3 each to Mad Swirl and Red Eft Review; 5 each to Otoliths, Misfit Magazine and Alien Buddha Press. when i hear back from these places i will pass along the verdicts.

NXT was really good last night.

both episodes of NXT UK were good last night.

205 Live was very good last night.

the Dayton Flyers won last night over Western Michigan, 85-72. Dayton should have won the game by 30 or more, but they refuse to just bury shitty teams. to me, that's on the coach being unable to instill that killer instinct into the team, most likely because the coach doesn't possess it either. it was good to see Josh Cunningham make some damn free throws and Obi Toppin was a ridiculous 11 for 11 from the field last night. the man is a dunking machine.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Vice News Tonight and WWE Tribute to the Troops.

i did listen to episode 217 of Notsam Wrestling this morning. you can find that by going here:
http://notsam.com/wrestlingpodcast/2018/12/20/notsam-wrestling-217-jay-lethal

i will probably be on here tomorrow after a trip to the grocery store. i'm hoping i won't have a fucking scroll to take with me, but i probably will. and i'll probably have to make another trip since i'm going to just go ahead and assume something will be wrong with mom's pills. joy.

i guess i should start wrapping some gifts tonight. if my arthritis isn't winning the war, that will begin tonight. if not, there's always the weekend.

goodbye for now kids...

algunos días, incluso gritar no ayuda

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Fucked Up - Normal People
Houses - Fast Talk
Jack White - Connected By Love
Matt and Kim - Forever

"Being spokesman for a generation is the worst job I ever had." - Billy Bragg

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day: