well, last night sucked...

i was in a pretty good mood yesterday. the poems i sent were well received and i was feeling good. i sent off what i thought was this sweet little note to the muse and next thing i knew, she was jumping down my throat. i do understand her frustration with everything going on with her life, but it once again reaffirmed my widely held belief of myself... my timing with women is fucking horrific. so, probably for the millionth time in my life, i'm back in the friend pile. now, i'm not complaining, i don't have many friends as it is. but, to be 42 and be more single than even single feels is really dragging on me. a little peek behind the curtain for all of you, and this is something i have only revealed in a few poems that haven't been published yet. a few weeks ago i did a little brain expansion through some alcohol and meditation and unearthed a little gem of a conversation i had with my father when i was 7 years old. i quickly realized why i had it buried deep inside of me. this was the time my father called me a failure and told me i would always be one. to think about that and realize my father willingly never spoke a fucking word to me the last 20 years of his life truly hits home these days. and it gets harder to keep going knowing i can't prove that asshole wrong and get to rub it in his face. so now i'm wondering if my subconscious keeps bringing it up thinking of it as motivation for me or is it simply tormenting me. it feels like no matter how much i try to get better or healthier or more positive in my life, the powers that be within me have no fucking interest.

add on some rain, fucking back spasms and everything else in this clusterfuck... i get more amazed each day i don't kill myself. of course, i know if i do that, i have to go somewhere else. killing myself at home would destroy the resale value of the house.

the New York Yankees played like shit last night and loss to Oakland, 8-2. the Yankees lead in the wildcard over Oakland is down to 3 1/2 games. the Yankees are off tonight and start a series in Seattle tomorrow night.

Big Brother was good last night. i fully expect Scottie to get voted out tonight.

NXT was really good last night.

the Mae Young Classic last night was really good as well.

Lucha Underground was good last night.

Mr. Mercedes was excellent last night. that ending was a classic.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Vice News Tonight, Big Brother and Snowfall.

the NFL season starts tonight with Atlanta at Philadelphia. i'm sure i'll probably watch some of the game tonight, rooting against both teams.

i did listen to episode 202 of Notsam Wrestling today. you can find that by going here:
http://notsam.com/wrestlingpodcast/2018/9/6/notsam-wrestling-202

i will probably be on here tomorrow sometime after a trip to the grocery store.

no te preocupes, tengo muchas cosas que hacer antes de morir

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Hammock - Floating World / Snowburn
Portishead - Glory Box
Tricky - Aftermath
Prince - Adore

"I'm in competition with myself and I'm losing." - Roger Waters

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day: