what really killed me was the muse bringing up that i talk about other women. this coming from the same woman that checks out dating sites while i'm talking to her on the phone. now, keep in mind, i haven't been on a date in so many fucking years, i have lost count. part of me believes the muse is taking the stress of her job out on me. part of me believes she's frustrated with me that i now am in a place where i want to pursue something with her and she's not in that place any longer. i do think a great deal of her loves me. i think we do have a decent friendship that i'm constantly trying to strengthen. i have no idea if she will ever give me the chance to be with her. one of the lines of the poem was me apologizing for taking so fucking long to realize she's the love of my life. apparently, i wasn't allowed to mature and get better with time. i was supposed to be already perfect when she waltzed into my life.
i'm pretty sure when i die i will have a list of regrets a mile fucking long. i really wish that wasn't the truth. i wish i was this free spirit that never got fucked over, just had all his troubles roll off his back and was happy and content with his world. i have scars so fucking deep, they feel like braille from 300 years ago. it makes me laugh sometimes. like i wanted to be sexually abused as a child. like i wanted a father that didn't love me. like i wanted my best friend to move to Portland, Oregon without me. like i wanted my girlfriend when i was 23 to cheat on me and decide she was a lesbian when i wanted to ask her to move in with me. like i wanted to have to take care of my mother to stay in the will.
i'm trying to strive for the one fucking dream i really want. more than being a successful writer or fame, fortune or endless amounts of people kissing my ass; i just want to be with the woman i am madly in love with. apparently, i will have to go through hell to get there. i've walked that path before and survived. i'm stupid, i'll gladly walk it again.
the grocery store today killed me. every beautiful woman i saw in there reminded me of the muse. one reminded me so much i nearly forgot what the fuck i was shopping for. thankfully, i did get everything on the list and a few extras for my sister's birthday this weekend. the best thing was i got all the shopping done before the fucking rain started.
i did watch a good portion of the Eagles vs. Falcons last night. i always love when Atlanta loses.
Big Brother went as i expected last night. Scottie was voted out again and Kaycee is the new HOH.
Snowfall was excellent last night. things are definitely getting crazy now.
Vice News Tonight had a great week of shows.
enjoy some music:
and now some of this and that:
on the DVR tonight will be VICE, NJPW, Real Time with Bill Maher and Random Acts of Flyness.
the New York Yankees start a series tonight in Seattle. hopefully they will win.
the USMNT takes on Brazil tonight in a soccer friendly. given how young the USMNT is, this should be rather interesting tonight.
i will probably be on here in the morning tomorrow. i think my sister will be down here in the afternoon for her birthday. i know she's spending the night, so that should be interesting as the tv in the living room doesn't work anymore.
i know i will be on here before Ohio State plays tomorrow afternoon.
i hope everyone has a great weekend. i hope the weather wherever you are is better than the shitty fucking rain here.
a los hombres les toma más tiempo madurar, ese es un hecho bien conocido.
be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.
peace and chicken grease...
music:
The Who - Won't Get Fooled Again
David Bowie - Modern Love
The Killers - When You Were Young
Hayes Carll - Drunken Poet's Dream
Prince - Purple Rain
"Death is very often referred to as a good career move." - Buddy Holly
and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day:
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