it amazes me as much as i should be beating myself up for falling for it...

 there is so much to get to in this blog, i might as well start with the bullshit at the top of my mind. let me paint a picture. i have been talking to this beautiful woman from Georgia (state not country) for the last couple of weeks. i thought we really hit it off. we're both born in January. she's a Chelsea fan. i'm a Manchester United fan. she really liked my poetry. etc. etc. well, last night she told me she loves me. i said i love you too. felt incredibly comfortable saying that as i am at the point of my life where i am fucking tired of being alone. so, i got up this morning and there was no message from her. no big deal, i'll send the good morning. she comes back that she is in pain and her phone is fucked up. ok, shit happens, sorry to hear that. she then sends me a pic that says her camera on her phone won't work unless she has an Amazon gift card. i checked all around the web, already knowing the answer, but hoping to find something where i was wrong. so, you wait until the day after i say i love you to fucking try to scam me. that pissed me off royally. now, i had mailed her a book that should arrive tomorrow along with a birthday card. i usually allow people three strikes. but, when you toy with my emotions and then try to scam me, that's such a red flag that you have to go. so yeah, that was how my day started off. just fucking lovely. but, that should give me plenty to write about for the last 8 poems needed for the book. 

i tried to start the Highlander today and of course it wouldn't. i needed to go to Kroger to get some pills and whatever was on the list. the battery charger mom ordered from Amazon is supposed to be here tomorrow. i'm hoping that works or we'll have to get a new battery. joy.

Manchester United defeated Arsenal yesterday in a penalty shootout to advance to the next round of the FA Cup. between a win with just 10 men and the draw at Liverpool the week before, maybe the team finally believes in itself again.

i did watch the NFL playoffs yesterday. Bills defeated the Broncos, 31-7. Eagles beat the Packers, 22-10. and the Commanders defeated Tampa Bay, 23-20. tonight the Rams will take on the Vikings.

The Agency last night was excellent.

Dexter: Original Sin was very good last night.

enjoy some music:

    

and now some of this and that:

nothing on the DVR tonight. i will be watching Monday Night Raw on Netflix.

so, the 3 poems i wrote last night i will look back with a great sense of irony. the poems i will hopefully write tonight will have plenty of venom. i won't be shocked if i get real fucking close to the number i need by 4 in the morning.

i'm ultra depressed now given this shit today. i told mom i should have expected the Highlander not to start when my blood sugar was 99 this morning. for every good thing that happens, there has to be a negative to even it out. 

i still have no clue what is going on with my health insurance. and i need to get my driver's license renewed sometime before my birthday on the 21st. joy.

there was something i wrote last night that really has me thinking today. this theory that maybe i am that person who never gets to really fall in love and have that kind of happiness in my life. part of me is so eager to not be alone anymore that i'm willing to overlook the obvious shit just for the chance. that makes me wonder if i'm just rolling the ball uphill just to watch it fall over and over again. i remember in my 20's an old girlfriend warned me i was becoming the bitter old soul. sure enough. 

that's all for me kids.

i surely hope your weekend was better than mine.

on the bright side, i did get my laundry done.

now i have to go ice my bad back.

until tomorrow kids...

fight the power.

fuck racism.

fuck hatred.

fuck war.

fuck the police.

black lives matter.

stay healthy.

wash your fucking hands.

stay off the fucking streets.

get the fucking shot.

La vida es una estafa

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Bon Iver - Skinny Love

Bright Eyes - Poison Oak

Ryan Bingham - The Poet

Warren Zevon - Carmelita

Cat Power - It's All over Now, Baby Blue (Live)

"I don't really plan. I just see what happens." - Ruth Wilson

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day: