these are the days where i smile at the thought of death...

 so, a friend was supposed to come over last night and bring some medical marijuana for my mother to try. we're kind of searching for something to really actually work on the pain she has. and maybe this is why i don't have many friends, as the friend never showed up. now, she claims she came by and texted and called, but i got none of those. i was sitting in the living room, watching television, waiting. and waiting. and waiting. around 1 in the morning i gave up. i feel bad for my mother as she doesn't know still if the medical marijuana would work for her or not. 

so, the plan today was for me to go meet her as this was her day off. i got all the grocery shopping done and now i'm waiting to hear from her. and i'm not going to be shocked to be handed another handful of excuses why we couldn't meet, etc. it is beyond frustrating at this point.

and that brings me to death. as i listen to my mother cry herself to sleep from the pain, how i can't lift my right arm without some nerve getting fucking higher than a kite in joy, etc. etc. have i written enough that i would be remembered? i strongly believe that as long as 1 person remembers you and shares that gift, you are still alive. just not experiencing any of the pain or bullshit that comes with being alive. and that is what is the tempting nature of death. the sheer relief from the utter wastefulness and bat shit crazy bullshit that is humanity. as much fun, as much love, as much freedom that could be enjoyed on this earth, every other fucking thing on the flipside of that is life as well. now, i'm not saying life should be a bed of roses. i'll never forget that the most beautiful roses grow in the smelliest shit ever. i'm just saying if you come across this blog and there hasn't been a post in a few weeks or so, i found the secret door to death and leaped at the god damn chance to free myself from this earth. and that is the most beautiful thought anyone could ever have.

the Yankees defeated the Orioles last night, 12-8. Rizzo hit 3 home runs last night. he now leads the majors. hopefully, the boys will win again tonight.

the New York Rangers lost to Carolina last night, 4-3. oh well. they will finish second in the division and have home ice for the first round of the playoffs. they play Montreal at home tonight.

NXT was excellent last night.

Young Rock was pretty good last night.

Name That Tune was good last night.

Mayans was great last night.

Deadliest Catch was really good last night.

here are your highlights from the NBA playoffs last night:

here are your 3 videos for this day of National Poetry Month:

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Vice News Tonight, AEW Dynamite and The Masked Singer.

i should be on here tomorrow after i take mom to her physical therapy appointment.

my bad back is calling for the massage chair, so that's all for me kids.

until tomorrow...

fight the power.

fuck racism.

fuck hatred.

fuck war.

fuck the police.

black lives matter.

stay healthy.

wash your fucking hands.

stay socially distant.

get the fucking shot.

que tu muerte sea dulce y sin dolor

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Big Bill - Almost Everybody

Joel Jerome - Nobody Like You

Donovan Keith - Cruel Fools Eye

Phosphorescent - Wolves

The Black Lillies - Where The Black Lillies grow

"We do not write in order to be understood; we write in order to understand." - C. Day Lewis

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day: