choking on nostalgia

i have a tendency to keep way too much shit from my past. i have this little box by my bed. when i was a child, it had baseball cards in it. now, it has business cards and scraps of paper from my past. for some damn reason i opened that up last night. there's this little scrap of paper with a child's name on it, weight, date and time of birth. that was one of the last times i ever spoke to probably the woman of my dreams. hard to believe that child is 16 today. at least i hope she is. i haven't had any contact with her mother or her older brother in at least 16 years. i loved that woman so damn much i would have helped raise those kids like they were my own. but, much like most of my life, shit didn't turn out the way i had hoped.

mom made a comment as i was driving her to the eye doctor today, wondering what she would have done if i wasn't around to help her. i didn't say a word, because i was busy thinking about having no one that is going to help me when she dies. it's going to be a painful death (mine, probably not hers) but i hope to make it magical at some point.

the eye appointment went well. everything looks good after surgery and the swelling isn't nearly as bad as they thought it might be. mom thought for sure she was feeling stitches in her eye from the surgery. the doctor told her there wasn't any stitches used. i mentioned to her afterwards that she needs to get out of her own head during this. her anxiety is starting to run her life.

after the appointment, mom wanted to go to this sub place that we used to go to years ago. and by years, i mean when i was a fucking teenager. we got some subs and ate at the restaurant. i don't think i had been inside the place in easily 25 years. the subs still tasted the same. good thing i still like them, since that will be my dinner tonight as well.

the New York Yankees lost the first game of the doubleheader today, 2-1. they are trailing in the second game 4-1 already. hopefully they can come from behind to avoid being swept by Cleveland.

Smackdown was pretty good last night. next week's episode should be really good, given that Shinsuke Nakamura will take on Randy Orton, yet another dream match. winner gets a title shot.

205 Live was pretty good as well. i did like that Enzo Amore cheated to win. perhaps they will actually do something with him down there now.

Deadliest Catch was really good last night.

Hard Knocks was pretty damn funny last night. i always get a kick out of seeing Tampa lose.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Vice News Tonight, Lucha Underground, Mr. Mercedes, Snowfall and Big Brother. i'll watch NXT sometime tonight on WWE Network.

hard to believe that college football is back.

i think we're supposed to get some rain most of the weekend, so i might end up doing some grocery shopping tomorrow morning.

i'm really happy that Joel Osteen is finally being shown to be the charlatan he truly is. if anyone wonders why i more or less quit Christianity, you can thank that fucking hypocrite.

i can tell if the Yankees lose this second game tonight, i'm going to be a pissy motherfucker for the rest of the evening.

that's all for me kids.

i'll be on here tomorrow long before Ohio State starts their season.

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Valerie June - Slip Slide On By
Van Halen - Black And Blue
Vampire Weekend - Diane Young
Van Morrison - Cleaning Windows

"You can't make everybody love you. It's an exercise in futility, and it's probably not even a good idea to try." - Robert Crumb

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day: