nothing says time with the family like my sister and i screaming at each other at the top of our lungs. add to it my mother screaming over both of us to shut the fuck up and you can clearly paint the picture of family fun. and to imagine it all started because i told my sister it was my mother's choice if she wanted to get rid of a handbag or not. that lead to the usual saying shit you didn't really mean until i had had enough and decided to unload on everyone. this took me to a pretty dark place as it all goes back to me being molested as a child and just completely feeling like no one in my family has ever given a shit about it. i still laugh at my sister asking me what she was supposed to do. she was dumbfounded when i walked up to her and said all you had to do was put your arm around me and tell me everything was going to be ok. i went to my room and more or less wrote my suicide note. now, before you get concerned and run to call the cops, i'm not close to doing anything crazy. i just figured since i was in the dark place i might as well try to get something out of it. and boy did i. i must say, it is probably the coldest ending to a poem i have EVER written. now, the crazy thing will be when i send out to possibly be published and it gets rejected. i'm not sure how i'm going to feel if that happens. anywho, later in the evening, before dinner, my mother asked me to come into the room and speak to my sister. i tried to be the adult and calmly let my sister know that she gives me the vibe that i'm nothing more than a piece of shit since i don't make money and contribute to the world like she does. she more or less said i am. then, she dug the hole that i'm using my mother and my stepfather's death as a crutch and not doing anything with my life. if i truly was the piece of shit she thinks i am, i would have punched her in the face after that one. but, i was playing the adult after all. so, long story short, i asked my sister to simply give me the illusion that she gives a shit and i will try to be a better brother. i think we both know, she's not capable of even doing that. so, i can't wait until Christmas.
thankfully, the New York Rangers were a bright spot to my day, beating the Flyers 3-0 in Philly. congrats to Marty St. Louis on getting his 1,000th point in the game. the teams play in New York later on Saturday. i will miss most of the game because of the basketball game i will be at, but hopefully it goes just like today's game. here are the highlights:
Saturday is shaping up to be a busy ass sports day for me. Manchester United plays in the morning. i took my shower tonight so i can watch the game. shortly after that is done, Ohio State plays the team i fucking hate. but, soon after that starts, mom and i will be leaving to go to the Dayton Flyers game against UIC. and while we're at UD Arena, i'll be checking on the football game and the Rangers hockey game. hopefully when we get back home, i can start enjoying some victory beers.
i did catch Sonic Highways earlier tonight on HBO. another excellent episode. it truly took me back to the 90's for sure. it was kind of eerie as a good chunk of the episode was about Kurt Cobain's suicide. and given the events of my day, that certainly hit me hard. next week is the series finale. the show will be about New York City. that should be awesome.
i'm pretty sure there is no new Saturday Night Live this week, so all i'll be watching late Saturday night is a new episode of ROH.
the high school i went to lost in the state playoffs earlier tonight. first senior class that hasn't made it to the finals in 5 years. i feel sorry for those guys as that will be on them for the rest of their lives.
that's all for me. maybe i'll actually get some sleep tonight. i'll be on here sometime on Sunday with the complete rundown of my crazy ass Saturday. i hope everyone has a great weekend. hopefully yours has a little less screaming in it.
thanks again for allowing me to waste a few minutes of your precious time.
be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.
peace and chicken grease...
music:
St. Paul & The Broken Bones - Broken Bones & Pocket Change
JJ Grey & Mofro - 99 Shades of Crazy
My Best Fiend - On the Shores of the Infinite
"I wake up some mornings hating me too." - Rahm Emanuel
No comments:
Post a Comment