tell me again why i haven't killed myself...

please note, the title is not an alarm or a call for help. simply the beginning of a rant...

is there any bigger waste of time than taking a shower, drying off, and then having to take a shit? and not one of those 2 wipes and i'm done shits, but more of a 20 minutes later and you're back in the shower. welcome to my Wednesday.

throw in my back having mini spasms all day long and you should get a visual of why i'm asking the question, why haven't i killed myself already? better men than me decided enough was enough. what pitiful amount of ego is keeping me alive? i suppose this is why i'm a writer. the page is my outlet for the pain. if i was a bricklayer or dug ditches for a living, i wouldn't have much left after i turned to the bottle.

off of the cliff, for now...

the Rangers lost 3-2 last night. i don't want to really talk about it anymore than that.

i was not surprised by the eliminations on The Voice last night. i figure there are 6 people that could win it. Cole, Austin, Tessanne, Matthew, Jacquie, and Caroline.

i did watch a good portion of that college basketball doubleheader last night on ESPN. i certainly wouldn't mind if that was the Final Four come April. 2 really good games.

i'll be at UD Arena in a few hours watching the Dayton Flyers take on someone. i'm hoping for a much better defensive effort so another miracle shot isn't needed for a win.

after i get back home, hopefully it will be in time to check out American Horror Story. that show is certainly on an excellent roll at the moment.

was a whopping 20 degrees when i woke up this morning. thankfully i put the extra blanket on my bed before i fell asleep last night. it was needed. and in typical Ohio weather, it will be 60 by the weekend. i wonder how busy my white blood cells are going to be in the next few days?

i didn't get any of the guys i wanted in fantasy football for this week. i'm favored in both matches as of today, but the competitive asshole inside of me doesn't want to just win, dominate is the better choice of word.

and to put the rotten cherry on my day, the key to Manchester United's midfield has an achilles injury. just fucking perfect. hopefully they figure something out over the international break.

there's a more than likely chance i will be sending out the poems tomorrow morning. if Dayton somehow loses tonight, chances are i will be busy typing and emailing around 3 in the morning.

i raise my glass and hope your life is way better than mine.

music:

Tei Shi - Saudade
Mazzy Star - So Tonight That I Might See
Valerie June - Pushin' Against A Stone

"If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you." - Louis D. Brandeis