this is what happens when you actually read the newspaper

i'm in a bit of a weird head space at the moment. read the newspaper a few hours ago and came across the news that the father of one of my ex-girlfriends died yesterday. so, now i'm sinking in a flood of memories. for the few of you that have known me forever, this is the father of the older Portuguese woman i was madly in love with 15 years ago. the odd part is that Dianna and i haven't spoke in over 11 years now. to go from best friends to incommunicado for over a decade hasn't been an easy pill to swallow. that being said, i'm truly sorry for your loss. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. i would type here if you need anything... but you're still married so i'm not expecting these shoulders to be used. but, the number and address are the same, just in case...

it's getting ready to rain here. could be bad storms, could be drizzle. i don't trust any of these fuckers with the weather anymore. as long as the power stays on and the DIRECTV signal stays strong, i'm good.

torn on if i should watch the Yankees tonight or not. the last time Baltimore was competitive was 15 years ago. and i'm already in that head space to begin with. i only like one mind fuck at a time. but, i don't see me watching the stand up to cancer shit tonight and further depressing myself. i've lost too many loved ones to that hideous disease. i'm hoping to check out Nick & Artie debuting on DIRECTV tonight. go to www.nickandartie.com for more information.

other than that, who knows. maybe i'll just thrown on some Coltrane and watch it rain. yeah, that should really pump me up for the music festival tomorrow. reminds me of a homeless guy i met when i was 17 in downtown Dayton. we were smoking some cigarettes together and he noticed i was bummed out. girl problems as normal. he laughed. told me that's what i fucking get for having feelings. that kind of stuck with me. do i become cold or do i accept the pain?

i believe we already know the answer.

if i happen to take any photos or have any great stories to tell from the festival, i will post them over the weekend or on Monday.

music today:

Hayes Carll - Trouble In Mind
Guided By Voices - Alien Lanes
Marilyn Manson - Smells Like Children

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later." - Mitch Hedberg