some days, it's just blue inside...

 often in the winter, or when it's cold, my depression will become this comfortable blanket. i constantly try to fight this state becoming something that is "normal" to me, and that fight has gone on for fucking 40 years now. i often wonder why i never took more drugs in my youth or become a lab rat and figure what drugs would be the right cocktail for me. i suppose, i like the constant fight, the never ending chaos in my head. of course, when the poems stop showing up for me, i know the end is near. thankfully, that hasn't happened. and i say thankfully, mostly because i feel like i have something left to give as a poet. when that tank runs dry, i will fully embrace death.

NXT was really good last night. i can't wait to watch War Games this weekend.

AEW was fucking great last night. i figured Moxley would be dropping the title since his wife is pregnant, but i never saw Omega and the Impact Wrestling angle coming. fucking brilliant.

The Masked Singer was crazy last night. i did get Popcorn and Seahorse correct. i think the finale is in two weeks.

enjoy some music:

and now some of this and that:

on the DVR tonight will be Vice News Tonight, The Voice, Young Sheldon, B Positive, The Unicorn, Miz and Mrs, Total Bellas and Cari & Jemele Won't Stick to Sports. i watched NXT UK this afternoon on WWE Network. it was really good.

i have no idea what time i will be on here tomorrow. i need to go out and do a little shopping. mom is busy going through her things she wants to donate to the Vietnam Vets. so, most of my days are now carrying shit out to the garage so she has room to walk in her room. she fell the other day, mostly because she's stubborn and refuses to ask for help. i can't imagine why i'm constantly fucking frustrated these days.

so, yeah, these are the days where i would go to the park or across the street and shoot hoops for hours or go to the cemetery and smoke weed. 

you ever crack your ankle and it sounds like a shotgun going off? welcome to my world.

until tomorrow kids...

fight the power.

fuck racism.

fuck hatred.

fuck the police.

black lives matter.

stay healthy.

wash your fucking hands.

wear your mask.

quiero una muerte gloriosa

be well. be creative. be cool. be quick to send me CASH, panties, hate mail, love letters, broken promises and dirty pennies from heaven.

peace and chicken grease...

music:

Metallica - Bleeding Me

deafheaven - Honeycomb

Disturbed - The Sound of Silence

Pearl Jam - Don't Believe In Christmas

"Perhaps life is just that... a dream and a fear." - Joseph Conrad

and your whatever the fuck i wanted you to see video of the day: